Why did the girl cry when her boyfriend brought up the topic about rape? Because she was raped by her father as a child and it was a suppressed memory.

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Why Couldn't the pirates see the movie? Because the mall strictly enforced local curfew laws ; and one of the pirates was unable to provide a valid form of identification.

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Q: What did the boy with no arms or lags get for christmas? A: He dosent now he cant open them.

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An orphan walks into a bar. The bartender calls Child Protective Services and is given to a nice foster family.

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Why do women fake orgasms? Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

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Why did the little girl drop her teddy bear? Because she was being sexually molested. Why did the little Jewish girl drop her teddy bear? Because gas came out of the shower-head.

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Why did the boy fail his test? He didn't study.

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Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? Everywhere.

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Just found out that it doesn't work.

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Why was the black guy in jail He was a jail guard

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At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

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How are a black man, a hispanic man, and a chinese man similar? Believe it or not they all love cantaloupe!

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Knock Knock! Who's there?! Michelle Bachman.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey? Just a sort of mixed bird thing.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, There are so many different endings to this, it makes me just wanna Shoot Myself!

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ROSES ARE RED FRIENDS ARE FRIENDS, NO MUTUAL FRIEND, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO ADD ME ON FACEBOOK BITCH!

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What do you call a whale driving a plane? A horibble massacre.

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Why did the girl buy the watermelon? To eat it.

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what did batman say to robin? get in the car

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What do you call a black guy driving an airplane? A pilot

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haha look at that guys shirt! what's wrong with it? i don't know.. nothing i guess

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Coach: Hey, you missed the team meeting today, but I wanted to let you know we've had a number of changes to the lineup. Player: Really? Who's on first? Coach: That's right. A man with the unlikely name of Mr. Who is on first. We also have Mr. What on second, and Mr. I Don't Know is on third. The rest of the team is the same. Player: Oh. People have weird names now. But I'm sure they're great guys. Thanks for explaining that. Coach: Any time. Don't mention it.

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What would a prostitute do if she was given a million dollars? She would probably diversify her portfolio. First, she would pay her rent. She would buy some groceries and a present for her mother. She would then invest it in stocks and low-yield bonds. She would they buy a vehicle. This win might not affect her continuance in her job.

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What is the difference between a snail and whale? A loaf of bread

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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