I woke up this morning and ran five miles. I am proud of myself for engaging in such a healthy lifestyle.

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Leo! Leo get over here before i abuse you. Okay, im going to my whip.

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What do humans and fish both have in common? They both live underwater, apart from humans.

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Q: What's the capital of Ohio A: O

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vote this down and i will DOX you

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Your Face... It's Beautiful.

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What do you call 17 blondes standing in a row? most certainly not Charles because it seems as though it would be incrediblely unlikley that a girl would be named Charles

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Q: What do you call a black pilot. A: A pilot you racist.

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Yo momma so hairy she needs to shave herself.

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im jackson, i have a small willy, and like to finger my dog

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Why did the man die? because he hit his head and drowned

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names

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Knock Knock. Who's there? I am. I am who? You are you.

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue If Beauty Exits ... The Heck Are You?

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

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What do tigers dream of when they take a tiger snooze? Mike Tyson

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OMG, THIS ACTUALLY WORKS!! 1. Hold your breath? for 5 minutes. 2. Die

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why did the kid burst into flames cause he lit himself on fire

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I just flew in from New Zealand, and boy am I tired. It was a really long flight and I found it incredibly difficult to sleep in those seats, so I didn't bother and kept myself awake watching in-flight films the whole way.

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how do you make a little girl cry?? Kill her family

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A boy is diagnosed with terminal cancer. His family prays for him and he still dies.

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Why did the asian driver crash his car? Because he was driving while intoxicated.

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What is the crunchiest part of a Vegetable? It depends if by Vegetable you mean the food or the disabled human incapable of carrying out simple, daily tasks, in which case this joke would be referring to canibalism.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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