An elderly man walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Dad!" The old man replies, "Hi son. I'll have a Bud Light." The bartender serves his dad a Bud Light and says, "I'm thinking about going back to school to become a doctor." The old man says, "I'm an alcoholic." The bartender replies, "Great, another Bud Light coming up!"

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Person 1- Ask me if I am a tree Person 2- Ok, are you a tree? Person 1- Nope

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(Insert joke here)

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koj yog ib tug tsoob qaib eater, uas nyiam mus rau Peer li qub poj niam qhov chaw mos raws li ib tug nyiam ua! (Google Translate may help)

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Why was the black guy in jail He was a jail guard

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because It was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure

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EVOLUTION OF MODERN SAYINGS 1 The Samurai: If at first you don't succeed, kill yourself. The British: If at first you don't succeed, give up The Americans: If at first you don't succeed, sue someone, then try again in hopes of a larger payout next time

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What did the deaf person see? He was blind too, so he didn't see anything.

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Roses are Grey, Violets are Grey, I am Colorblind...FML

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Why did Sally fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? Sally with prosthetic arms.

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Q:What does a wheel a triangle and a circle all have in common A:There all round, I lied about the triangle.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? ....Because based on modern mathematics the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

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What did Billy Mays eat for breakfast? nothing, he's dead.

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your social life.

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what do you give a little girl with no legs and no arms for christmas...................cancer

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Rocky was chasing him

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What's the difference between a duck? One leg is both the same

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If an ugly person got raped. What would that be called? Nothing. It is never gonna happen. Kelvin Yang.

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Whats blind and deaf? Hellen Keller.

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I flipped through the Yellow Pages, made a few calls, and found the Chinese man I was looking for.

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What did one elephant say to the other elephant? Nothing. Elephants don't talk.

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand and says to the man running the stand. QUACK!!!

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Why is Skrillex so bad a fishing? He has Parkinson's Disease

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What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops