If life gives you lemons.... Life is an abstract noun not a physical object so it can not give you lemons.

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You know why one side of the "v" formation of a flock of geese is longer don't you? Cause it has more geese in it.

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Your friend is so gay that he isn't attracted to hot women

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I was in the 74th hunger games I hid in the cornucopia until almost everyone was dead. Then I saw Katniss and Peeta so while they were distracted with night lock I pulled a rubber chicken out of my ass and beat the shit out of them till they died then I won the 75th hunger game also. They asked me to be there mocking jay but I killed them all and blew the plane up in the Capitol the end. By Adam Chebali

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Why didn't little Timmy get anything for Christmas? He was an orphan living on the streets.

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What do you call a deer with one eye? Nothing. The deer was transported to a specialist animal hospital and now has two working eyes, eliminating the purpose of this joke. We apologise for wasting your time.

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s

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what is big and white? Your Mom

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A black man walks Into a bar.

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Q: What's worse than one dead baby at the bottom of a trash can? A: One dead baby in ten trash cans.

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hy did the boy cross the road? to jump of the bridge on the other side.

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whats the difference between sand and period blood? You cannot gargle sand.

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Why did the chicken croos the road? He was battling severe depression at the time. His alcoholism was tearing his family apart, he was declining in job performance and his boss threatened to fire him several times. I guess at that point he just decided to end it all. It was horribly tragic, policemen knocking on the door of his wife's chicken roost and informing her of the bad news. As soon as she heard, she rushed to the scene, only to see his mangled body spread across the street, intestines falling out. They held a closed casket funeral. Formal, all black. It was raining by the time the casket was brought to the cemetery to be buried. She hasn't stopped crying since. His children ask her, where's dad, but all she can do is weep. Suicide is bad, kids

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"What would Jesus do?" "Form a religion, get nailed to a cross, and become a martyr to millions."

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Math: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 4 in the other, what do I have?" Answer: "An unreasonable amount of bottles to hold in two hands."

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia......

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why did the black guy say he was ridin' dirty? because its been weeks since he last took it to the coin op, he's busy working as an I.T Specialist.

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What did the cow do when it got run over by a tractor? It died.

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What's the best Anti-Joke ever? I don't know, but it's NOT this one.

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Set up Punch line.

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A priest, a rabbi and a scientologist walk into a bar. They discuss their various religious viewpoints until the scientologist gets a call informing him of his mother's death. The priest buys him a drink. Then the priest gets a call informing him of his mothers death. The rabbi buys him a drink. The rabbi gets a call. The scientologist expects it to be about the rabbi's mother dying, so he prematurely buys him a drink. It was actually the lottery commission telling the rabbi he won 48 million dollars.

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Eh yo Sean u mr. Kingston Hey, how are you doing?

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knock! knock! Who's there ...So y do you have a peep whole?

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a black guy walks into a bar and sits next to a white guy. White guy: "I don't like your kind here". Black guy: "what kind wound that be"? White guy: "the colored kind". The black guy turns away then looks back at the white guy and says", When I'm born I'm black, when I die I'm black, When I'm cold I'm black, and when I'm sick I'm black. You ( to the white guy ) when your born your pink, when you die your blue, when your cold your purple, and when your sick your green and your calling me colored???

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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