Why should children always be nice? Because the evil christmas demon KRAMPUS will rip their ears off, put them in a bag and beat them with a stick!

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What is the difference between a rabbit and a plum? A: They are both purple, except for the rabbit!

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What did the ginger say to the blond? Hello, what is your name?

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Know whats worse than a worm in your apple? Getting fridges thrown at you.

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Rose's are red, violets are red, trees are red, bushes are red, oh God the garden's on fire.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your family is dead, I killed them.

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Am I a cat? No, I am a human; cat's cannot type.

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What's the difference between shoes and babies? You can't eat shoes.

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What's long, brown, and in the toilet? The chocolate bar I just threw in the toilet.

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Why are people so quiet at golf game? Because its such a boring sport.

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What kind of cheese isn't yours? Someone else's.

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Why doesn't the man like iced tea? Because he likes it hot.

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? Because, the Farmer had treated the Chicken and the rest of his family with great distaste, thus angering the Chicken to the point of rebellion against the Farmer with hopes of inspiring the other abused farm animals to act likewise.

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How do you annoy Lady Gaga? Stab her with a knife.

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Why do Asian Women have small boobs? Because anything under A is unacceptable.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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I used to tell people: step on my foot on purpose and ill FUCKlNG BREAK YOURS! Then I Evolved.. friendly r*pist neighbourhood Moral Man: Thumb me down or step on my foot if only on mistake, and I will break off both your legs and ram them up your ASS!

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So a ninja walks into a bar and he sees a cowboy and the ninja says i will kill you with my mad ninja skills and the cowboy says who needs mad ninja skills when you got a gun

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A black man and a mexican man are in a car. Who is driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken a month off from working in their law firm. The mexican man, Alex, had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. Rain had suddenly come upon them and a passing off-duty police officer had picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful rest of their trip. Alex, however never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months after their return John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

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Your mamas so old she died of old age, R.I.P.

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Why did Sara fall off the swing? Because she had no arms... Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sara.

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What worse than rain Osama Bin Laden

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Why couldn't Harry Potter get a job at Mc Donalds? Because he isn't real.

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Liar liar, your dead nans carcass is on fire.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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