I walked across a lake once. Someone said "JESUS CHRIST!" to which I replied with "YES?"

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A man died and went to heaven. Luckily, he was resuscitated by a trained medical professional, and after a stern warning from his doctor, he lost weight, limited the cholesterol in his diet, and went on to live a very happy and healthy life.

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Q- Where did Sally go during the explosion? A- Everywhere!

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.

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Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have cancer Nutella on muffin

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What's white, warm, and dangerous? Cum.

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What's wrong with the axe murderer that lives down the street?? Nothing.

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Why couldn't the black man swim? Both of his legs were just eaten by a shark.

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Okay, but cut me some slack here, its not as straight forward as it sounds, I got at least twice as many active synapses as other people do, that means twice the thought process, in video games I can for example remember twice the commands, and such. Sadly this does not mean that I can think twice as fast or twice as smart, but rather that I do so involuntarily in short spans, until I burn myself out. So be a bit nice to me, when I say that I have since I was a kid used about 2.5-7.5 mg valium, this is just because my thought process works so fast I burn out because well, I got the processor, but it burns out, excuse me my wife needs some help with her cellphone, see you soon

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Why didn't the Baby wake up? Because it was dead

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What did the father say to his gay son? "Finish your homework."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had a gun to its head

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Why did the black person sit in the back of bus? All the other seats were taken.

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so... how about that airplane food

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Generator? One powers your house...and then there's the generator.

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How do you please a black person? Shower him with love and affection.

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He I just met you, and this is crazy, but you sister just died here's her baby.

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What's black, white, and red all over? A pile of dead nuns.

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Hey, I just met you, And this is crazy, But I have cancer.

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Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because it is the norm with that particular religious group to circumcise male infants shortly after birth.

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yo mamma so fat that when she goes out in high heels she comes back in flip flops

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Womens rights

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Friends are like balloons When you stab them they die.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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