What's white, wet, and sticky? A tissue that I just blew my nose with.

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Two octopuses are swimming in the ocean. Suddenly a scuba diver spots one of the octopus. The octopus looks at the human and swims away.

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Someone stopped playing Skyrim.

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I remember my days you know in the army, agfanifuckingstan, got dirty water, then spent a week shitting... Anyway, I was holding a grenade right? And then two of them came around and I was like "here come good boy! GOOOD BOY! Catch the ball!" And then I pulled the pin and threw it. Aww shut up, you are all like "YOU SOLDIER KILL PUPPIES!" NO THOSE WHERE KIDS! And they would have been like 15 today and been killing your men today! YOU ARE SO FUCKING WELCOME!

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How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Well thats a stupid question, just one.

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Good afternoon.

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Why did the boy cry when he got a new puppy? Because he had anal seepage coming out his ass

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your mamma so fat... she went to hell.

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why did the owner of Google decide to name the company "Google"? google it..

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Q: What's better than the Call Me Maybe video? A: A shot-for-shot parody of it featuring a GIMP! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFxnAITCv5o

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A program that creates "pointless inventions" and posts them at the wrong sections.

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You know what they called Obama in highschool? Nigge*

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Knock Knock Who's there? My fist

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Contrary to the popular saying, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," if you get cancer there's nothing an apple can do...

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I have two friends, Jeffrey and Barbara. You might think that Jeffrey likes sports and beer, and that Barbara likes knitting and cooking. But you'd be wrong, Barbara is dead.

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a mexican, a asian and a black guy are in a car whos driving? your mom

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was clumsy.

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Why didn't the chicken cross tithe road Because it was a motorway

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What do you get when you mix Obama and Chief Keef? OBLLAMA

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what did the dog say to the muppet? WOOF

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I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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What did the autistic man say to the woman? I have autism

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What do people call baby cats in Alabama? Kittens.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in water? Drowning

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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