Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

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how many mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 283,000,322,249,390

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Two guys jump off a cliff... the third guy calls an ambulance.

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A prostitution ring operates out of a subway. How much does the prostitute with a foot long penis cost? About $300, for a 12 inch penis is very rare and desirable.

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Why did the stoner visit anti-joke.com? Because he was bored, and probably kinda high.

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Did the owl ever reach the middle of the tootsie pop? Yes. Dreams do come true

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So a Dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of skotch, the bartender realizes he must be dreaming. At that very moment he realises he is in a lucid dream. Since this is the case he decides to murder his wife who is in bed right next to him as an expiriment. Since its a lucid dream it doesnt matter. Next he goes down to the fridge and pulls out some old pizza. He sits down for about half an hour eating it along with a box of tuis that also magically appeared in his fridge. Then he goes outside steals the neighbours car takes it for a ride to his Sister-In-Laws house who he has always wanted to root. He goes over breaks the window with his hand. The lucid dream feels so real to him because he pains from the glass in his hand and then he goes up stairs finds his sister-in-law sleeping so he hops into bed with her. At the same moment the police arrive because they followed him from his home were they recieved complants they heard him kill his wife. Everything starts to turn into a nightmare, so scared he trys to make himself wake up. However he cannot. This is not a lucid dream. This is reality. Pizza was in his fridge because he had it for dinner the night before, Beer did not magically appear. his wife had bought it when she went gorccery shopping. He killed his wife, then stole his neighbours car and attempted to rape his Sister-in-law. So now he is going to jail. And no lawyer wants to take up the case so this man is doomed. No hope at all of ever being a free man again

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What happens when you search andreas' mum in google? You are redirected to man porn

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brittney griner

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally!

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So A duck wants to be a musician. Day1: He cuts of his beak attempting to sing. Day2: Dead

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why did the baby fall out of the tree? the monkey dropped it. why did the monkey drop the baby? it was dead.

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Why do black people have white hands? Palms and soles are not in direct sunlight, and therefore less amounts of melanin are produced in those regions.

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Why did the Chicken Cross the Road? The Light was red.

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? The chicken was locked in a cage and the nearest intersection is about a mile away.

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Q: Why do black people hate country music? A: Because every time they hear "hoe down" they think someone has shot their sister.

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Why did the plane crash? Because a loaf of bread was the pilot.

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whats red, brown and blown up? a hampster in a microwave

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Roses are red Violets are blue Your whole family is dead And now it's time for you!

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Why did the clown go to jail? For 23 charges of rape and murder.

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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How do you know if elephants are watching a movie? If a Volkswagen Beetle is parked outside the movie house.

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What is worse than a bee sting? 2 bee stings. What's worse than 2 bee stings? Being eaten by a giant octopus. What's worse than being eaten by a giant octopus? 3 Bee Stings!

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What's the difference between a black minister and a white priest? Nothing. We are all equal in the eyes of God.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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