Why did i get some thing to eat? Because i was hungry.

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a lazy boy sleeps 23/24 hours. what does he do in the remaining hour ? he takes a nap

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Q. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? A. An ambulance due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.

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A man walks into a bar. He is then taken to a near by hospital where he is treated for a concussion.

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Why did the boy have a rash? He didn't, it was a birthmark.

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What is the cow doing? Because 7,8,9

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Why did the doctor commit suicide? His wife was recently killed in a car accident and simply could not take the emotional pain!

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I'll have a chocolate milkshake, hold the onions.

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Why did the piano explode? Beacause someone planted an explosive inside of it.

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What's the only think duct tape can't fix? Your parents divorce.

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what do you call a man that has a terminal illness and is named James - James

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Your mom is so fat when she sat on wallmart she lowered the prices

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What is 1+4x : No i will not take my pants off!

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Haikus usually make sense, but sometimes they don't refrigerator.

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How can you tell if someone is vegan? -they'll tell you

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Roses are blu Violets are red Im colored blind

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The truth is he loves her!!

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What did the penguin do in the desert? He died .

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Q. want to hear a really funny joke? A. Fred Figglie-horn

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Your mother is so fat that when she goes to the movies, she usually orders popcorn and maybe a drink.

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I can't submit this joke because I got the captcha wrong

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If a canoe is stuck in a tree with its headlights on, howmany pancakes does it take to cover the roof of my house? False, snakes don't have armpits!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Wanna buy some meth.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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