What's worst than dropping your watch into the gutter? Waking up with a penis on your head.

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Why did they use the phone as a football? Because it was a phone-ball.

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What do you call a Serbian-Australian man with no arms, no legs, and two feet. Nick Vujicic

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What's green, fuzzy, and can kill you if it fell from a tree? A pool table.

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What's the difference between a guitar and a fish? Fish are living organisms and guitars are instruments used for people's entertainment

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Thumbs up if you're reading this in 2015!

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Why do all black people have AIDS? Because they deserve it.

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The following is neither a joke or anti-joke. It's a brainteaser. It's called the Monty Hall Problem. Suppose you're on a game show, and you're given the choice of three doors: Behind 1 door is a car; behind the other 2 doors are goats. You then choose a door. The host then opens another door and reveals a goat. He then says to you, "Do you want to stick with your choice or switch?" Is it to your advantage to switch your choice? The correct answer yes, switching gives you a better odds of winning. Why? There is a simple way to understand it without the mathematical demonstration. Suppose we have the three doors 1, 2 3 and the number 2 is the winner. If you choose not to change , of course the chances to win is 1/3. Now. what happens if you decide to change? The answer is that if you initially chose an incorrect door, you will always win. In the example, if you initially chose the door 1, the presenter will open door 3(because the door 2 is the winner so he can't open that door) So if you change you will win. The same happens if you initially chose door 3(the presenter will open door 1 and if you change you will win). You will only loose if you initially chose door 2(the presenter will open door 1 or 3, and when changing you will loose) So the conclusion is that if you always decide to change, if initially you have chosen ANY(and any in capital letters!) of the TWO incorrect doors you will win. So the chances when changing is 2/3.

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What did david give back? Nothing.

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Why was the washing machine laughing? Because you're on drugs.

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Q: Why do some women insist they don't have penises or testicles? All humans have penises and testicles! A: These women have been brainwashed by feminism. It's quite sad, really.

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Why did the pineapple cry? It didn't, because it's a pineapple.

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Why did the boy fail his test? Because he got shot before he could even study.

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The young orphan boy had high hopes for this Christmas. When he woke up, he ran to the foot of the tree and saw a large box wrapped with seasonal wrapping paper. He looked at it to see that it was for someone else. The boy recieved nothing for Christmas and was later hit by a bus that had veered off of the road to avoid hitting a dog. The boy is now paralyzed and is extremely disappointed as to how his Christmas had unfolded.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, most chickens are held on farms, but those that do roam free are afraid of automobiles so therefore they wouldn't go near a road at all. But if the chicken was located in a deserted town there would be no traffic, so then it would be able to cross freely over any road there and not get injured or mortally wounded.

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What happened when the blind man was running toward a cliff. He stopped before he fell.

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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Not Sally."

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A apple is red a banana is to never mind that joke sucks

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How did the drug addict die? He got shot in a drive-by.

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Redcunt? You got to try being nicer if you want a proper answer

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What's big and long? My dick.

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what happened when a chicken laid an egg? it died

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Why did the baby's bedroom smell so bad? The mom farted.

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Why is the boy home alone on Friday night? Because Hitler took he's parents away.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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