A man named Carl walks into a bar and sees another man named Ed who has purple skin and is holding a chinchilla in one hand and a policeman's helmet in the other. Carl approaches Ed and asks, "Why is your skin purple and why are you holding a chinchilla in one hand and a policeman's helmet in the other?" Ed replies stating, "Well its actually a pretty funny story. I was sailing near cape cod and a saw a large whale jump out of the water, and that gave me a really good idea. So I sailed home immediately and wrote a very detailed novel about my days in Vietnam. The book was a success and I was able to make a large amount of money. However, unfortunately I became addicted to cocaine and wasted all of my money and had to live on the streets. Since then, I have cleaned up my act and am working again and have a house. I decided to treat myself to a night out and so I came here and painted myself purple. Then, I found this chinchilla and policeman's helmet on the floor and decided to hold onto it until I find the owner. Now that I think about it, that story isn't very funny. I apologize." Carl then accepted the apology and the two had a drink together and are still good friends today.

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Why did the man give money to a drug dealer? He lost a bet.

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Why does Courtney smell? she has a severe lack of personal hygiene which needs addressing,

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What's better than seeing a Detroit Lions game? Not being in Detroit.

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Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have some H20" and the second one says, "I'll have some H20 too." The second scientist dies after drinking hydrogen peroxide.

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what did the african man have for breakfast? Ebola cereal.

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Roses are red Violets are red Jimmy is red Sally is red Susie is red Jimmy is red Billy is red Carl is red Jose is red Jerry is red Ferdinand is red Everyone is red Because they all just got shot In the head And now they're dead

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Don't tell anyone, the Health Department is already on our backs.

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What looks like half of an apple? The other half.

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Where did suzie go for her Birthday? A van

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Why are black people so good at basketball? Because they practice.

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how do you know when an elephant been in your refridgrator The door wont close

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What do a software designer, a civil engineer, an airline pilot, and a long-distance swimmer's support team have in common? All of them use angles and trigonometric ratios to help solve problems.

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Why was the kid hungry? Because he lived in Africa.

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Why did Osama bin Laden cross the road? To get shot in the face.

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Q. How many trees does it take to change a light bulb? A. Trees can't change light bulbs.

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What do you call a doctor whos black A doctor

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Artichoke is a vegetable state induced by swallowing paint

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69

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What did the gay man receive for christmas? AIDS

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Tiger Woods isn't a Tiger, He's a lion cheeta.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He had to get to the other side.

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what did the man say to the doctor? how the hell would i know, ask him yourself.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Oh yeah... You're mute.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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