Senior Sergeant Thomas the officer investigating your current rape and insect charges. Please open the door now.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

One cow, determined to make a difference in the world, gets killed in a meat packing plant. We killed him, and we killed his dreams.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

what do a toothbrush and an ice maker have in common? ....They're both in your house.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Friends are a lot like trees... ...they fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did Sarah fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sarah.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

what do you get if you put in a pan- a raw chicken, a lemon, assorted vegetables, onions, maybe some soy sauce, and a little olive oil then place this pan into an oven for around two hours, allowing the chicken to moisten. then serve with the assorted vegetable .supper.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the little girl with cancer get for Christmas? Chemotherapy.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the homeless man get for Christmas?... A warm meal, a shower, and a place to sleep courtesy of the local homeless unit.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

GONNA

thumb_up thumb_down -1

So a deaf man is listening to the radio.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How many babies does it take it to feed a grown man? It depends on the size of the man, how hungry he is and how big the babies are.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the baby fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second baby fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first baby. Why did the third baby fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 had three balls.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: How do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator? A: You open the door put the giraffe in and the close the door. Q: How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator? A: You open the door to the refrigerator take the giraffe out then put the elephant in and close the door. Q: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend but one, which one is it? A: The elephant it's in the fridge Q: You have to cross a river that is inhabited by crocodiles how do you cross it? A: You swim across, the crocodiles are at the animal conference.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

My trip to Italia: Italian most: WELCOME TO ITAAAAAAALIA! YOU WANT THE PIZZA YES? Me asking my then Italian girlfriend: Are all Italians so loud? Then girlfriend: Yeah kinda... Her brother overhearing us: WHO! GAVE! YOU THE BALLS! TO JUDGE US! Me: Uh I am just surprised at... Her bro: I SAID WHO GAVE YOU THE BALLS... DONT LOOK AT ME! Me: *looking down at the ground somewhat ashamed* bro: LOOK AT ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU! NO! DONT LOOK AT ME! I will let you go for this time yes? Next time I will take you outside and beat you up okay? LOOK AT ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU! AND DO NOT LOOK AT ME! Conclusion: Wow you Italians are bad ass... I mean hell this is was a real life experience of mine, I was just a teen back then but I got a headache and threw up ending up in bed later... Fact: I am nearly two meters but walk with a hunch, the guy was half my size but still broke me down, wow Italians are bad ass...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's long, hard, and contains semen? A submarine.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Roses are red Violets are blue Cats meow Dogs have four legs

thumb_up thumb_down -1

what does hi = good by cause person doesn't like you.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

I just flew here from Cleveland, and boy are my arms tired! The people on either side of me were hogging the armrests, so I had to kind of tuck my arms up behind my head and it was very uncomfortable.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

there is a blonde, red head, and brunet held captive in afghanistan. The people say whats your last word to the red head, she says tornado... they turned and she escaped, they say to the brunet what is your last word, she says tsunami.. they turn and she escaped. They go to the blonde and say what is your last word, she says fire... she is then shot rapidly and she dies.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Your mom was so fat, She was overweight.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

69

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the grape say to the bannana? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

-Knock Knock -Who's there? -John. -Hey John, come on in.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops