Dad, they tell me I am a slowpoke at school, what can I do? ... Eh son, this is mommy, your dad died ten years ago remember?

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It's yellow and when you press the button, it becomes red... A baby chicken in a blender

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Roses are red violets are blue..... I have normal vision

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Why did the black man eat the fried chicken? He was hungry

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What do they call Chinese food in China? Food

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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How do you stop a car? Put on the Brake

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you: knock knock person: who's there you: interrupting cow person: interrupting cow you:MOOOOOOOOO

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*ahem* what? what. oh I thought you said something

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Waiter, waiter! There's a fly in my soup! Apologies for the inconvenience sir, I shall bring you a new bowl as soon as possible.

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What salad was served in the salad bar on the Titanic? Probably a selection of green leaves, radishes, cucumber, sliced hard boiled egg and cherry tomatoes, topped with cress, mixed seeds and a delicate dressing.

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Why did the man commit a serious crime? Because he couldn't think of any funny crimes.

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What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? Here come the elephants.

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A cat walks by a chineese buffet, the owner kindly puts food and water outside the door so it doesnt die

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There were two smokestacks, a little one and a big one. One day, the little one said to the big one, "I'm tired of being the lesser of two smokestacks!"

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Why are there no aspirin factories in the Amazon Rainforest? Because it would be unprofitable to build a factory that requires a large workforce in an uninhabited area.

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Why am I righting in english? Because this is an english site.

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What is the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari. There isn't a Ferrari in my garage.

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How many batteries does it take to run a car 1 a car battery

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What do you call said black man flying an airplane? A pilot.

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Republicans

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To commit suicide thus getting to the other side(hell/heaven)

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Whats worse than death? Living in Agonising pain for the rest of the life that happens to be reading this statement.

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What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops