Who killed the ears of every human being? -Rebecca Black

thumb_up thumb_down +13

When life gives you lemons, thank life for its generosity.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What is the best invention ever? Taking a crap reverse. So you can enjoy a nice bowl of aids.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a black scuba diver... A scuba diver.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? Well, I couldn't understand them... It's hard to pronounce anything clearly when your mouth is full, which is why you don't eat and speak simultaneously.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man walks into a bakery and buys a doughnut. He then starts to drive home when he realised that he'd forgoten to eat the doughtnut and has to returne to do so.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Three men were lost in a desert when a genie appeared and granted them each a wish. they died of dehydration shortly afterward, never realizing they were hallucinating.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Have you heard about the hipster paleontologist? He liked dinosaurs better when they were underground.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands, when they first came out. Well, I say bought. I actually stole it from a short, fat ginger kid.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the man with the gun say to the man without the gun? I have a gun

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's the difference between a baby and my trampoline? I take my boots off before i jump on my trampoline. . .

thumb_up thumb_down +11

In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock knock. Who's there? The pizza delivery guy. Oh hi.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A black man from Harlem walked in to a store. He then proceeded to buy a few items using money he had earlier procured by working dilligently.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

This Anti-Joke Is Loading Plese Wait . . .

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What is the difference between a black man and a sofa? A black man is a human being with feelings, while a sofa is an inanimate object that people sit on in order to enjoy comfort and possibly watch television.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Yo momma's so fat, she had a heart attack and is currently hospitalized.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's wife? No Neither have I

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock knock. Who's there? The police. You wife was killed in an accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How does he keep getting girls to sleep with him? Bear-traps..

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the old man drop his milk? He had a stroke.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the kid jump? He didn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?" Not getting a response, the disoriented bartender realizes he was talking to his own reflection in the mirror at the back of the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops