What did Batman get for Christmas. Nothing his parents are dead.

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Poop

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Where does the Queen keep her armies? In various military bases across the country.

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Why was the blonde in the bathroom for 2 hours. She had to pee really bad.

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what's the difference between a box of dead babies and a corvette? I don't have a corvette in my garage!

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What did the blind man say to the deaf man? -Nothing, he doesn't know sign language.

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What's worse than a spray tan? - A spray tan of hydrochloric acid.

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A zebra dies and goes to animal heaven. All the animals around him are trotting, flying, jumping, each according to its own species, in the kind of bliss that only eternity can bring. But the zebra is not impressed and mopes through heaven's green fields. A giraffe notices his languid stupor and asks, "Why so glum, pal?" The zebra mournfully replies, "All my life I've wondered if I was black with white stripes or white with black stripes." The giraffe, hoping to get the zebra to some answers as quickly as possible, suggests, "Why not go as God?" The zebra, somewhat taken aback by the notion that God might give him an audience, replies, "Oh, I can do that?" The giraffe says, "Sure, I'll show you the way!" The giraffe leads the zebra to a great tabernacle of gold and points the way up a long stairway of diamond. The zebra follows the stairs up to two great ivory doors. But no matter what he tried, the zebra couldn't get the door open. The only animals that could open the door for him would be the primates because of their opposable digits, but the zebra wasn't much of a social animal, so he didn't have any friends. He spent eternity with no answer to his question.

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What's the easiest way to become filthy rich? There are many ways to earn money. Invest some time into researching the topic.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue.. wait wut are u a bitch Violet are not freakin blue its Purple

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Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: Because it was stapled to the chicken.

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A baby seal walks into a club

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Priest: "Matt, will you take Senae to be your wife, your partner in life and your one true love? Will you cherish her friendship and love her today, tomorrow and forever? Will you trust and honor her, laugh with her and cry with her? Will you be faithful through good times and bad, in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?" Matt: No

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whats a cross between michael jackson and arnold shwarzanegga? Michaelwasanigga

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what has 2 legs and bleeds alot half a dog

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A Man Walks Into A Bar. He's Immediately Rushed To The Hospital.

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Why did a boy get slapped in the hand? A; because he had it in the persons face

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Are you black? Kill yourself.

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A mans wife gets pregnant after he has a visectomy... She was artificially inseminated using sperm he froze before the operation

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Who is big and stupid My brother

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yo momma is so stupid she went and got her self checked for mental retardedness and it turns out she happens to be autistic.

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Why was timmy in the well? He had autism.

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How many clowns fit in a car? Depends how many get in the car.

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Q-"what did the carrot say to the plant" A-"nothing because neither one of these objects can talk"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops