How did the baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A man became infected with Staphylococcal Food Poisoning. The doctor said, "You only have 24 hours to live." He died 24 hours later.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why was there a black man and a white man in a bar? Due to the probability of this occurance happening due to percentages of black/white people in a bar, this specific situation should be of no shock, in fact it is a completely normal occurance one of which should not be questioned

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What happened to Kurt Cobain? He committed suicide. He shot himself in the head with a shotgun and then he died.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Yo Mama!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What is brown and sticky? A stick

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Once upon a time Jimmy was walking home from school. Jimmy was then confronted by a a pedophile so he suddenly ate himself.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the grape do after it was stepped on? Nothing, as it was incapacitated, and even under normal circumstances, it would be incapable of performing any voluntary actions as it is only a grape.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

why did the chicken cross the road? well... to get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

whos the biggest oaf................................ coasta

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q: What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? A: Getting raped by a giant scorpian. Q: So what's worse than getting raped by a giant scorpian? A: The punchline of this joke,

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What goes in your mouth long and hard, and comes out soft and sticky? A stick of bubblegum.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

The Israeli asked the Japanese guy to open his eyes The Japanese guy said, I'm not squinting you crazy Jew. You're the one that sold me these cheap glasses.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q:what do you call a black man with blonde hair flying a plane? A: A pilot

thumb_up thumb_down -10

a black man is flying a plane what is his name Joe and the plane crashed and he died because I distracted him with this question

thumb_up thumb_down -10

what did the cow say to the chicken Hey im ralston tyler

thumb_up thumb_down -10

IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Timothy started school at an elementary and was in the fourth grade. His teacher was Ms Bradshaw, and he liked his class. One day as he was going into class, Ms Bradshaw asked everybody, "what's worse than biting into an apple with a worm in it?" Timothy raised his hand and said "the holocaust." The teacher went to her desk and pulled out a desert eagle and shot Timothy five times in the face and raped his dead body

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the black man do with the white mans stolen bike? He returned it after finding it outside a local shopping mall.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

He was. I am sorry, he knows to much, this is for the well being of everyone, including yourself, he will be going down, the order has been given.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

an athiest walks into a church

thumb_up thumb_down -12

i feel like i will die some heroic death, but its more likely i will trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A brown haired woman walks into a clinic and says, "Doctor it hurts whenever I touch myself." The doctor says, "Strange, I have never heard of such a disease. Please show me." The woman touches her leg and screams,"Ow!" Then she touches her arm and screams again. The doctor asks, "Are you a natural brunette?" The woman replies, "No, I am a blonde." The doctor says, "Oh, that explains it. You have a broken finger. God, you are so blonde." The woman gets her finger treated and then lives in agony for the rest of her life due to her untreated broken leg and arm.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do Kim Kardashian and a broken-down horse have in common? They will both eat oats out of your hand.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops