Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? No-one because that's not feasible.

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Why did the guy get hit by a bus? He walked out into traffic.

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A biology teacher walks into a bar. "Ouch," he says. "I bet I just lost some brain cells. I wonder if any of them were going through mitosis..."

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Roses are brown, Violets are brown, it seem's that someone has been bathroom on my lawn. "Martha, I'm not cleaning this up"

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A teacher, a consturction worker, and an army general are on an airplane. The pilot tells them the plane has too much weight, and if they don't each drop one item then the plane will crash. Realizing one item each is obviously not enough weight to throw off, the teacher and the construction worker team up and throw the army genral off the plane. They land safely, and live the rest of their life haunted by their vile actions.

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Near the tower of London, a woman says to her friend: "You know, I had a feeling my son would come out, and the other day, he did." "What was your first clue?" "We're British."

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I am iron man 24 flavors in my van i am the icecream man i have met jackie chan

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What's worse than seeing Levi naked? Cancer.

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What did the blind football player say to his coach? I cant see

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A man looks both ways before crossing the street he gets hit by an airplane

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What's brown and sticky? A piece of toffee, which is brown and/or dark brown in color.

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What do you call a dog with no arms and no legs. It doesn't matter what you call him he still won't come.

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OMG this actually works! 1. Hold your breath for 5 minutes 2. Die

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What's worrying about a middle-eastern man on a plane? The fact you are worrying about it.

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What do you call a person mowing a lawn? A Mexican

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A man spots Bill Murray at a restaurant in Los Angeles. He proceeds to tell his friends the story, who in turn believe him, as the story is plausible.

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What do u firmly grasp and stroke until u can't go any longer? A shakeweight....

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What did one Lacrosse player say to the other? Let's touch shafts

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They see me rollin' Up my sleeve for some volunteer work at the local shelter

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Yo momma's so fat she is now a sponsor for Jenny Craig after joining the program and loosing almost a 100 pounds. So I suppose she isn't too fat anymore.

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Why did the jewish plumber commit suicide? After years abuse from his alcoholic father and rich sibling, he finally snapped and killed himself on his birthday after nobody told him happy birthday.

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Jimmy and Ted are racing each other at the end ov the street. Jimmy is taller and thinner but Ted has more endurance. Who wins the race? A: the drunk driver

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The parking lot was across the street from KFC.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I peek in your window, Yes, I'm watching you

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops