- Anti Joke

Whats bloody and is dead. My son.

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap ...in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations])That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

In Soviet Russia it is normally colder than america and most people speak russian.

knock knock who's there? the milk man the milk man who? the milk man who brings your milk every morning

What is purple and green at the same time? Grapes, I lied about at the same time.

a fish swimming in the water swims

Women's rights

whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Nothing!!

Let's go burn down an orphanage, what are they gonna do tell their parents?

What did the lone KKK member do when he passed 10 large, muscular black men in the street? He did not tell them that he was a member of the KKK.

What do you say when you see your tv floating at night? Drop it, nigga!!

Why did the chicken cross the road? To avoid the avoid the nuclear bomb at hiroshima

Why did the New York Times cancel Otis Redding's subscription? Because he died.

Why did the cow jump over the moon ? This is a highly unlikely situation , therefore the cow did not leave its humble pasture , let alone talk english while in the midst of jumping over a planet wich takes days to fly over .

Why Did the one handed man cross the road? To get to the dying man on the other side

What did cancer get for Christmas? Another 6 year old boy

If 32x=8600, find x. ^ | There it is!

How do you get a blond to fall over? Shoot her with a shotgun.

Why did the rapist go to the girl's dorm? He wanted to apologise for his crimes, and brought them all a drink. It was spiked, he raped them

A guy walks into a bar. The bartender looks at his watch as if he was expecting this guy. The guy says he'll take a shot of whiskey. The guy takes a shot and says "What do I have to do to get another free shot of whiskey". The bartender says "Tell me joke." The guy says "I don't have any." The bartender says "I got one, which came first the chicken or the egg?" The guy says "The rooster" The bartender says "That was terrible." The guy then says "I'll bet you I can tell you the craziest story you'll ever hear. If I win, I get a free whole bottle of whiskey." The bartender says "Okay" The guy says "When I was a little girl..." The bartender says "Hold on, oh wait I thought you were a...never mind, continue.." The guy says "Don't interrupt me. Alright, we'll start from the beginning. When I was a little girl, I never knew who I was or where I came from. I was brought up in an orphanage never really knowing who my parents were. The nurses at the orphanage told me I was dropped off there by some unknown stranger. They gave me a name and named me Jane." The guy continues "I always envied children with parents. As I grew older I knew I was different, that I was not like every other girl." The bartender sparks up his cigarette and gives one to the guy. The guy goes on and tells his story "So growing up in school I didn't make any friends. I was the smartest kid in class and the other girls would bully me but I fought back. I was tough and nobody could beat me in a fight, I would even fight with boys." The guy puts out his cigarette and continues "During the end of high school the teachers didn't know what to do with me. I mean I was smart and athletic but I was always getting in trouble. So one day they decided to put me in a space program to be an astronaut. It was something I really wanted to do. So I trained and I was the best from all my peers ." The bartender says "Here's another shot of whiskey, It's on me." The guy says "Thank you." and continues and says "Then one day everything changed. As I was in school in college I bumped into a guy. He told me I was beautiful. I told him no one has ever said that to me before. I never understood love or anything like that. However, this guy was the greatest and I fell in love with him. It's like he knew everything about me and can read my mind. We dated for quite awhile and then one day he just left. I never saw him again." The bartender asks "Did you love him?" The guy says "I did, but now I hate him for destroying my life. He left me and I was pregnant and living by myself. Later, after 9 months I gave birth to a baby girl. Then the doctor came up to me after a deep sleep. He told me the worst news I ever heard. First he said someone stole my baby. I couldn't believe it. Then the problems were even worst. He told me that he found out I had both male and female sex organs. He said giving birth destroyed my female organs from all the bleeding and they had to perform an operation to save my life. However, now I have to grow up to be a man." The bartender says "Woah, that's crazy." The guy says "Yes, it was terrible, I had gone through 3 major operations and given hormones. Slowly turning me into man, I had know idea how to be a man as I grew up as a girl. It was a very difficult life, I didn't get a good job, dropped out of the space program, no education, and worked crappy jobs and became a drunk." The bartender says "Oh, that was a crazy story. Well you win the bet, here's your bottle of whiskey." The guy says "Thanks. Damn I would do anything to beat the hell out of the man who destroyed my life." The bartender says "What would you do if you found this man? The guy says "I'd beat him to death!" The bartender says "What if I told you, I can bring this man who destroyed your life right in your very hands." The guy says "Is this some kind of joke?" The bartender says "No, this is real. I can bring him to you." The guy says "Are you some kind of cop or something." The bartender says "Something like that, John. You told me your female name was Jane, but you never told me your male name, it's John right?" The guy says "How did you know that? Have you been following me? I'll kick your asss." The bartender says "Hold on, you want to know where the man who destroyed your life is right? I can bring him to you." The guy says "Okay, what do I have to do?" The bartender says "Come with me." They both go down the basement of the bar and the bartender picks up a violin box with numbers and dates. The guy says "What are you going to do, play a song for me? The bartender says "I work for an agency to help stop crimes before it starts. This box right here is a time machine." The guy says "Bullshitt" The bartender says "Trust me. Hold this and close your eyes." POOF!!!!! They both travel back in time, about 12 years. The bartender says "You recognize this place? This is your school. If you can find the man who made you pregnant and kill him, all your problems will be over." So the guy goes up to the school looking for the man who messed up his life. Then one day he bumps into a girl. The girl says "Sorry." The guy says "No it's my fault, The girl says "Are you lost or something?" The guy says "I'm just looking for this man." As soon as the guy turns around he sees himself/herself for the first time. It is her! The guy says "Oh my god, you are much beautiful than I expected." The girl says "Wow, no one has ever told me that before. Hi, my name Jane." The guy says "My name is John." After a few dates John and Jane both fall in love and suddenly one day John disappears and Jane never sees him again. John sees the bartender again and says "You son of a bitchh! You tricked me!" The bartender says "Sorry, it was inevitable. Now that you know who she is and who you are, maybe you will know who I am." John says "What are you saying?" The bartender says "John, Jane is pregnant. And 9 months from now I am going to steal your baby because I want the baby to have a better life. I will bring the baby to the time machine and drop her off at an orphanage." John says "Why are you doing this?" The bartender says "Because I'm not really a bartender. You see, I know that you love Jane...but I love her too." John says "Who are you?" The bartender says "I am you. 12 years from now you are going to meet a bartender who will take you back in time. After you become a writer, you will work for an agency to help stop crime before it starts. Then more years will pass you will disguise yourself as a bartender and you will meet yourself" John says "No, this not true!" After many years later...a guy walks into a bar...

Donkey lips

A: Ask me if I'm a tree. Q: Are you a tree? A: No.

Q:What Did The Man Say When He Lost His Body A:Nothing He Die. Because If You Ever Lost Your Body You Would Die...

Why did Chad find dead people all over the playground? Ask him, it's not like he's pointing a gun at your face.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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