What player wears number 8 and plays for liverpool? Steven Gerrard

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. His death was mourned by his wife and three children who wished he would not have been so reckless.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

what did the big chimney say to the little chimney ?? your to young to smoke

thumb_up thumb_down +7

that awkward moment when there is no candy in the van.....

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man walks into a bar. ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How do you kill an Asian? Poke him with a large fork until hes dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Blarg, with ritalin everything tastes like cardboard, but on the bright side I can taste, lucky me I am so handsome the ones that attacked us did not want to ruin "my pretty face", so I just got a few cuts before I broke his, they never see a steel fist arriving you know... Listen, you are wrong, you gotta think less about me, and much more about yourself, you feel like you should worry more about me emotionally, but worry about your feelings more despite that because I can more or less hear your body saying "please take care of me", I mean I can more or less hear the urges and needs of women, thats why I am so good around them, I dont put them in a trance "vampire style" i just make them feel safe around me because it is safe around me, I am safe at all times because I am who I am. Listen, worry about your needs, turn of all mental alarms, I can sense (I dont know how, Richard Bandler put that into me) that you are in lack of sleep, food and sleep (I can sense it now, you havent slept well since you thought I was dead, it makes logical sense, it always does, its not magic, its the human potential unleashed) So take care of yourself, turn of your body`s needs one by one, shower, eat, drink (eat something good), and if you are at the couch, go get a pillow and lie down, this is about you, because I cant feel well if those I love and care about dont feel well okay? Please allow me to sleep easily and try getting some sleep yourself even if my guys are 15 minutes away. Let me know that you feel better.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How do you escape prison? Kill everyone in it hen once you have escaped find their families and viciously murder them. Are they going the send you back to prison? No because you will kill everyone.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: What is 2 + 2? A: Beastiality

thumb_up thumb_down +7

knock knock who's there? Bill Bill who? Bill Smith, we went to high school together. Oh hey Bill, come on in.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's red and smells like cherries. Cherries

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are red, violets are blue i've got a gun, pointing at you

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A little boy ran to the pool to see how long he could hold his breath. He slipped and fractured his skull.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the Asian guy's condom slip? Because the condom was put on the opposite way.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Nicolas Cage

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What has a mouth but cant talk Helen keller What has eyes but cant see Helen keller What has ears but cant hear You guessed it an ear of corn

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did paul say to bill? "Hi, I'm Paul"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A Good Start.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Person 1: "Ask me if I'm a rock." Person 2: "Are you a rock?" Person 1: "No."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why are spanish people good at soccer? Hard work and a long-life time comitment

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: what's red, green and goes over 100 miles per hour? A: a frog in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down +7

My penis is big... not.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

An Amish man walks into a bar. He then orders a non-alcoholic beverage due to the temperance practices of the Amish faith.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How come grilled cheese?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops