what do you do to get a guy to vomit?? kick him in the balls!

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How do you save a black man from drowning? You throw him a flotation device.

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Fred used to only visit his parents in the hospitals on weekends, because that was his only free time. Now his parents are dead and he has more free time.

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Chinese drivers.

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What does the man do to his meat? He beats it.

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A man made a sandwich.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Blonds are cute and so are u.

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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A Muslim terrorist walks onto a bus, with the mindset to blow him and the other 27 people. Before he steps onto the bus, he realizes the error in his ways and decides to not follow through. He goes to the airport instead.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Set an alarm for a reasonable hour.

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Why couldn't Harry Potter get a job at Mc Donalds? Because he isn't real.

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Why couldn't little Jeffy find his way to gumdrop palace? Because he was shot

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Beacuse it was dead.

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What do you get when you cross a peanut and a snake? peanutsnake

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What do you call somebody pimping out their bitches for very large amounts of money???? A dog breeder.

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the love boat

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Why was 6 afraid of 7 Because 7 was a registered 6 offender

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hey i just met you.... and this might just sound crazy but i have a bad case of short term memory .....were we talking????

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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What goes in dry, comes out wet and pleases two people. A teabag, you pervert.

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Knock Knock Who's there? I said who's there? The man opens the door to find there was no one there and begins to shake in fear as his schizophrenia is getting worse.

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What do you call a man with 3 arms, 6 ears, 9 fingers, and a red clown nose? His name.

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Why did the girl fall She didn't she was eaten by a bear

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Once upon a time, I was a Muslim.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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