why did the man break his arm? he didn't, someone else broke it for him

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An egg and a sausage walk into a bar, and the barman says "sorry, we don't serve breakfast".

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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A Jewish person had a robber in their house. Who broke in? Adolf Hitler

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"Do you like pie?" "No." "Do you like blueberries?" "No." "I have something you won't like." "Is it a blueberry pie?" "No, I shagged your wife last night".

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A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim are on a plane to France. When they arrive in Paris one will go visit a friend who recently found inspiration in the many magical streets of the city and is in the middle of a year abroad. Another will search for a job and home to support himself and any future family that he might choose to have in the future. The last will check into a hotel and proceed to have a wonderful time seeing all the sights that Paris has to offer.

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What happens after Madeline McCann disappears. Jokes.

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I remember my first beer. It did not taste good to me at the time.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was raped when i was little.

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A bus with 12 black guys is driven off a cliff. What is the sad part of this story? ... Our beloved president was not involved.

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Why didn't the boy want to go to school? Because it was 3am.

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Why was 7 afraid of 8? Because 8 knifed 10.

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a black man pays his child support

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Well, its allright then, just tired that is all, leave it be, I mean what if your wife sees it? What will she think?

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How does Justin Bieber remove a condom? he farts

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What do you say if you see a black man with blood on his hands and he has a mask on? Thank you doctor for saving my sons life!

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Q: Why did Captain Kirk suck his own dick? A: Nobody else was around, I guess.

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Why did the black man bleed to death? He was stabbed, but he bled to death because his doctor had just prescribed him some blood-thinners for his serious headaches.

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whats worse than unloading a truck of dead babies with pitch forks? Finding one alive

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Chuck Norris was so good at karate that he held the middle weight world title for 6 years and was named fighter of the year by Black Belt Magazine. He also used his talents to start a successful acting and advertising career.

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What is worse than torturing, "forcibly penetrate" and then slowly and painfully kill nine billion people? The Holocaust?

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Whats worse than Sandy Hook Massacre? 9/11

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—Conversation started today— My God, why have you forsaken me? Seen 6:00 PM

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Who's dumb and retarted. A person that is dumb and retarted.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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