What did Tiger Woods say when his wife hit him with a golf club? "Why did you hit me with a golf club".

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A witch walks into a bar and orders a drink. She gets her drink and proceeds to have a great time.

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Something told me to write "vote pancakes" so I wrote "Vote Pancakes" it said it was wrong, and now I know why, capitals.

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Your mother is so ugly that I removed her from my friends list on Facebook.

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Q: Why God never got a PhD? A: 1. He had only one major publication. 2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English. 3. It has no references. 4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal. 5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? 7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited. 8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing. 10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book. 13. Some say he had his son to teach the class. 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. 15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests. 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

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why are black people always so funny because they think of funny jokes

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What did the one eyed boy say at the movie theater? 3D was a boy choice

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A man fell in a hole. He's dead now...

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Ask me if I'm an orange? Are you an orange? No.

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A horse walks into a bar and orders a double whiskey. The bar man says "what's with the long face"? The horse replies "My wife left me, took the kids with her, took everything, I'm devastated"

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Santa and a smart blonde jump of a cliff. Who gets to the ground first? Neither, they don't exist.

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Whats the hardest part of the vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

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Knock Knock. Whose there? Fed-Ex, here's your new brother.

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Guest what in the butt

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Why did Suzie fall out of her swing? Because she had no arms.

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How do you make a hobo cry? You steal his trash.

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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What do you do if you find blood in your poo? Stop stabbing yourself in the arse with a fork on wednesdays...

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What do you call a big house full of dead people? My family

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What do you call a woman with one leg? I don't know. I am not in the position, currently, of knowing anyone who finds themselves in such an unfortunate condition.

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What do you call a place full of large volumes of random, unwanted knowledge? The usersub on this site.

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- How do you save a black man from drowning? - I don't know - Good!

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What's black, white, and red all over? A dead panda.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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