A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie appears and says that he will grant him 3 wishes. The man says "I wish for a duck". POOF! He got a duck. Then he says "I wish for a penguin". POOF! A penguin magically appears. He thought long and hard for his 3rd wish. Then he said "I wish I had a turtle" POOF! Suddenly out of nowhere the genie disappears. The man looked inside the magic lamp and saw a small turtle. The end.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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What did the girl say before she jumped a bridge? "Do you think I can jump off this bridge?"

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How do you keep a black man from hanging around your tree? You cut the rope.

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In America you read books, but in Soviet Russia, it's exactly the same as it is in America, because it's not possible for books to read humans.

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Why doesn't the little boy talk to his mom? Because she smells like barbecue sauce.

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How do you make a baby fit in a bottle? Blender.

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What's the best thing about twenty three year olds? there are twenty of them

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Why did the White man scream when he saw a Black man? Because he was scared.

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What's worse than falling out of a tree and landing on a dog? Rape.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? Boy Scouts come back from camp.

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If God created the world, including man kind, why do we worship him? We are corrupt, selfcentered, animal slaughterers. He made us this. So, Why?

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What did the surgeon say to the patient? Nothing. The patient died on the table.

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A black guy walks into a bar with a dog. He is asked to leave because his dog is not on a lead.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have five fingers The third one's for you

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Whats black and red and dead? Nobody could tell, but they were sure that it wasn't a dead black person, so stop being racist!

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I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one . Though , I do have cancer .

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get slaughtered.

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How do you know if elephants are watching a movie? If a Volkswagen Beetle is parked outside the movie house.

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Q: What's red and bad for your teeth? A: Bricks.

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My grandma has this joke where she says "knock knock." I say "who's there?" She says "I can't remember" and starts to cry

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Why is the earth round? Because God saw it was flat and thought "too flat lets turn it around" And all was good.

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You must be Jamaican cause you have long dreadlocks and you are listening to Bob Marley

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What do you call a black man driving a expensive sports car? A respectable member of society

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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