What had 82 eyes, 7 mouths, and sings the blues? Nothing, the described creature does not exist.

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What's a pirate's favorite video game? Pirates lived in a time before such technology existed

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Why do you stick a baby in a blender feet first? So you can see the expression on its face...

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Your mother's so fat she occupies more space than a thin person does and is more likely to bump into environmental objects.

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A terrorist gets on a plane. He has a pleasant flight and gets off in a new country.

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Guy gets new car. TRANFORMER!

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run away too if someone left the gate open and you happened to be a dog.

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Why was the road crossed by the chicken? Because as an animal, incapable of understanding human languages and consequently lacking in education, it was unable to understand the convention of not using the passive voice in English prose writing.

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Why didn't the Alzheimers patient put on her shoes? She didn't leave the elderly home that day, thus taking away the need to put on shoes.

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A man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie emerged from the lamp. The genie asked what his new master's wishes were. The man wished for asthma.

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A blond walks into a hair dresser's wearing a pair of headphones. The hair dresser tells the blond to take the headphones off so she can cut the blond's hair. The blond says that if they take off the headphones, then they'll die. The hair dresser works around the headphones, but finally needs to cut underneath the headphones. The hair dresser forces the blond to take the headphones off and nothing happened.

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Q: Why did sally fall off the swing? A: Because she had no arms Knock Knock Who's there Not Sally! How did Sally die? She couldn't figure out how to open the fridge

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Knock Knock. who's there? James. well use the doorbell.

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You know what's real bullshit? That stuff that comes out of a bull's ass.

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What do you call a fucking idiotic douchebag with ebola? An ebloa paitent

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

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What's worse than watching the Hunger Games? Playing the Hunger Games

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why is 6 afraid of 7? i don't know, ask 6

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What came first the chicken or the egg? Neither, chickens have been extinct since 1987.

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Have you heard of the lawnmower joke? No neither have I

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Do you know what really hurts my feelings? Nerve damage.

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My mother always said that jumping in piles of leaves was fun. That was before she died of pancreatic cancer.

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why couldnt the boy get into the pirate movie? he was hit by a mexican telephone server.

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Yo momma, she so fat, she needs to buy extra-large clothes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops