A man walks into the doctor's office and says "Doc my leg really hurts when I poke it like this." The doctor replies, "Yes, that is a knife."

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blond are all stuck on an island 100 miles away from the nearest civilization with no resources. After 2 weeks, they decide that no one is going to save them and they have to swim for it. The brunette swims 25 miles and then gets eaten by sharks. The redhead swims 75 miles and then drowns. The blond swims 99 miles but got tired, so she swam back.

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I like my wine like I like my women. Not at all.

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Why did the man die after getting his picture taken The camera was a gun

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What would Bruno Mars do if he was on the moon? Gasp and grab his throat in an attempt to get oxygen flowing into his lungs with no avail.

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What's worse than falling in the mud whilst wearing a suit? Burying your parents.

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I was going to type an anti-joke but I totally forgot how it starts. It goes something like something something something something something your mom's a whore.

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Why did the dinosaurs become extinct? Because they wanted to.

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What's purple, green, and orange? Dead baby with slashed floaties. What's black, purple, and orange? Same baby two weeks later.

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Why did the gay man buy a prius? because it is a very fuel efficient car and will save him a lot of money of gas

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Why does Mario grown on shrooms? Because they bloom inside of him.

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is this the krusty krab? no, this is patrick.

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Q. What's cold and has no feelings? A. A pole

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Roses are red. Violets are red. Daisies are red. WHY IS MY GARDEN ON FIRE?

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In Opposites Land, you might think the opposite of small is big. But no, it's nail clippers.

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What come after 69? Time for you to get a watch

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One time there was a man walking down the street. Wrong, it is physically impossible to walk down a street, you can only walk along it.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? - Probably about 5 or 6, depending on the car.

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Knock Knock Who's There Trick or Treat!!!

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Well Here Goes Nothing And nothing happened

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What looks like mud, smells like mud and eats mud? An African

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A man walks into a bar. On impact, he suffers quite the blow to his head, resulting in him falling unconscious. He is escorted to the hospital, where he is pronounced in a coma on arrival. His family is left devastated. His wife, who was a stay-at-home mother to their 2 children doesn't take this news very well and is sent into a spiraling depression. 16 years later, the man finally wakes from his coma to find that his son and daughter that he had left behind where now grown teenagers and almost done with high school, his wife's has remarried and given birth to his half-child. This is why you don't text while walking down a sidewalk.

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Did you hear that Jerry Sandusky won the swimming race? He's in very good shape for a man his age.

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What happens when you put four drunk clowns and eight sober clowns inside of a clown car? Nothing, because the clowns realized that it's dangerous to operate a vehicle while under the influence of alcohol and decides to call a taxi instead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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