Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Your mums so tall, she's above the average height of women for her age.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you call cheese that's not yours? Stolen cheese

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Whats funnier than a black man? A black president

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: What do you call a serial killer named Mark? A: Mark.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Whats green and smells like a red apple? A green apple

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Roses are blue, Violets are red, Pansies are green, I think I'm colorblind

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you call a Welshman with a stick up his arse? A very odd man

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do u when life gives u lemons? U put them in your iced tea.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

caoimhin is a dorty carrot

thumb_up thumb_down -1

If John has 10 packs of beer and he drinks 8 packs,what is John left with? Morbid Obesity.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How many retards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? No number of them could figure it out. They sit in the dark for hours, scared of the monsters.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why can't Hellen keller drive? Because she's a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Santa Claus and eight reindeers walk into a bar. “Hey, fatty,” the barman shouts. “Where’s Rudolph?” “He’s dead,” Santa replied. “I’m sorry to hear that,” the barman said, looking embarrassed. “Let me get you a drink.”

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why didnt Timmy Go to school? He Died.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

I'm so punny.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you call a kid without any friends? A Sandy Hook survivor

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? A: Those that wear them think that said earrings positively accentuate their physical appearance.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

what did the panda say to the poachers? please stop killing my family.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenburg? A: One is a huge, flaming, Nazi gasbag, and the other is a drug-addicted talkshow host.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

You tell me. I have amnesia.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

I like my babies how I like my chips. Chopped up and in a bag.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you call a newborn son? The proudest moment of your life. What do you call a newborn daughter? A disappointment.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A woman becomes pregnant. 9 months later she has a baby.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops