Roses are red, violets are blue, can I have a ball? No these can't be removed

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What did the man do with the naked baby girl? He put some clothes on her and proceded to lay her down for a nap.

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How many dyslexic people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Filing cabinet.

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'How do you make a plumber cry? Buy him a belt for Christmas.

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What do you tell your chicken when it is it's birthday. Nothing, because he wouldn't understand you.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Nobody, this is a metaphorical door..

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why was the little boy crying? he was at his mother's funeral.

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Person 1. Knock-knock. Person 2. Who's there? Person 1. The doctor. Person 2. The doct-- Person 1. You have cancer and have about three weeks to live.

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I man walks into a bar. He orders a drink, takes around 13.5 minutes to drink it, then walks out. It takes him 10.7 minutes to walk home, 2.8 minutes less than he spent in the bar. When he is home, he decides to have a bath. 7.8 minutes into bathing, a radio plugged into an outlet near his tub falls into the water with him and he is killed. 29 miles away a woman sneezes twice.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You're adopted.

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I'm called the! no i wish am I left

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Knock knock Who's there? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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why did Kanye interrupt Taylor Swift at the VMA's? because he had a little too much scotch before the ceremony

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why did the black man apply for a job at kfc? His family was in debt after the loss of his father.

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Hush, little baby, don't say a word, Mama's going to buy you a mockingbird. If that mockingbird won't sing, Mama's going to buy you a another mockingbird.

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What do Barney and a butchers knife have in common? One of them is purple

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What's worse than your console not switching on? A mutilated body.

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What do you call a middle-eastern man flying a plane? A pilot

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How do you get a Mexican's attention? "Excuse me, may I have your attention?"

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How does Batman's mother call him to dinner? She doesn't, she's dead.

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What day is it today? It's "Jack Daniels Day" according to that guy with the shopping cart filled with kittens.

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a man was cooking a tortilla. what did he say when he dropped it while flipping the tortilla? oops i dropped my tortilla

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Intercom:ALERT! THERES AND EXTREIMEST IS THE SCHOOL! Little kid: Sir, can I borrow that towel on your head? BOOOOOOM!

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. The police catch them, and they are sentenced to jail.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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