How long does it take to microwave a baby? I don't know, I was to busy masterbating. GBW

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epic win?

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Pokerface.

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Why did Jesus cross the road? He didn't. He's dead.

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There once was a man called steve, His name was steve

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Q: What was the pirate movie rated? A: PG-13 actually because, despite the potentially graphic nature of the previews, the creators scaled down mature content so that it could reach a wider audience.

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why did the man shoot himself in the foot? because he didnt have the safety on and he had no gun handling skills.

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what has four legs but cant walk? a dog after anal

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My brother found a worm in his apple. I dared him to eat it, so he did. When he tried to swallow, the mashed up worm congealed in his throat, killing him. Later, I found out that the worm had poisonous rectum fluids. I was given the Nobel Peace prize.

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Your mother is so ugly that nobody wants to date her because she is hideous.

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one day a hippy and a nun wer on a bus, the hippy asks, Will you have sex with me? the none replies, heck no im a nun. the nun gets off the bus and the hippy follows. the bus driver stops him and says, i know how you can have sex with her, she goes to the cemitary at 9:00 every night, dress us as jesus and command her to have sex with you. okay thanks! the hippy says. that night the hippy dress's up as jesus finds the nun and says " i am jesus and i command you to have sex with me. The nun says okay but only anal because im a nun! and they get to it, when there done the hippy takes off his mask and says haha im the hippy, the nun takes off her mask and says haha im the bus driver!! like if you get it :)

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What did the plane say to the world Trade Center on 9/11? Nothing a plane is an object therefore cannot talk.

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Q: why did the dog fall down the stairs? A: Because I pushed him down.

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Q: Hey, ask me if I'm a tree. ".. Are you a tree?" A: No.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Daisies are red, OH SHIT! MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!!!

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Why was 6 afraid of 7 ? Because 6 was registered as a sex offender

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why don't asians use this finger (point at pinky)? because it's my finger.

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Aodhans da is Mr.Bradly and he dosnt know what coordinates are, 180 anti-clockwise,he has "the key to examination success is revision and homestudy tattooed on his chest, his das herbert the pervert, his mas a taxcollector and on the dole, his da sits on the roof eating biscuits, cleaning the satilite dish, he gets his pubes shaved in gordans chemist, he uses mcdonaldsd wifi, hes a fruit fly and he can stop global warming by shaking his head!!!!!!!!

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What have in common a recently born baby and a quadriplegic blonde person? Both have legs but they cant walk

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Who died first the cow or the cow? The Cow

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Why did Sally dance and record it on Vine? She did it for the Vine

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was being chased by other cannibal chickens.

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What did the legless veteran get for christmas, The same grenade that blew up his legs.

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Guess what Timmy got for Christmas, Nothing, Timmy has no parents, he's an orphan.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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