How do you kill a cripple? You bite its fucking face off

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Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

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What one thing do the five members of Mystery Inc have in common? They were all raped and killed by REAL MONSTERS! One of the monsters happened to be Chuck Norris. He's a BEAST!

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THAT'S RIGHT, BEST INVISIBLE PAINT I EVER BOUGHT. LOOK WHAT A GREAT JOB IT DID ON THIS PAGE YEAH! I RECKON IT IS THE BEST INVISIBLE PAINT I EVER DIDN'T SEE

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my grandpa told me "dont let fear rule your life" 2 hours later he got hit by a train.

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A man walks into a bar. He hits his head and dies.

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Why did billy fall off his bike? Because billy was a loaf of bread.

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What happens when you die? Your body gets decomposed by bacteria

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Q: What do you call Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. A: two things: Their names, and a doctor because they are both in need of a nutritionist.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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how many licks does it take to get to the center of lollipop? unknown.

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how did the fat man get up the stairs he walked

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Why did the man pee his pants? Because he was paralyzed from the waist down and had no way of feeling

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What did the wife get her husband after he became a paraplegic in a car accident? Divorce papers.

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How do you get a blonde to stop talking? Hit her in the head with a brick.

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Why was the boy scared? Well, his mother had recently taken up Satanical ideals and in an attempt to sacrifice themselves to the Dark Lord, she drove her car off a cliff and into a lake. Now, with his dead mother in the drivers seat, no way to call emergency services, and 300 feet of water between him and the surface, you can see why he'd be scared.

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Q: What kind of bees make milk? A: None. Bees make honey, not milk.

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knock knock whose there? banana? banana who? im sorry but you have to go to the doctor now.......

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Why did the horse say moo? Because it's a cow

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got hit on the way there.

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What's brown,green got four legs and can fall out of a tree and kill you? A snooker table.

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Knock Knock. Whose there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

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Words with two W's or N's in them are awkward and unnecessary.

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why did the homeless man die? because everyone does.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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