What's cold, tired, wet, and starving? A girl up at 4:00 am that just came out of a cold shower.

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"Lassie, Lassie, come quick! Timmy is in the well!" "I'm a dog," replies Lassie. "You folks have ropes, ladders, and opposable thumbs. What the hell could I possibly do to help?" With that final act of disobedience, Lassie was turned into fertilizer.

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So there were these three guys on a plane, one with a ruptured hernia, one with a stomach infection and one with a raging case of gingivitis. Half way through the flight the pilot said, "unfortunately we will not it make to our destination... we are crashing." The three men then went to get the parachutes. they then say that there was only two. the man with the ruptured hernia picked one up and threw it out the door and pushed out the guy with the stomach infection. The guy with the raging case of gingivitis said, "why did you do that... we could have used that parachute!" the man with the ruptured hernia responded, "taco." and jumped out of the plane. the pilot then goes on the intercom and says," sorry. false alarm. we will not be crashing, please enjoy the rest of your flight."

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What did the Colombian say to the Peruvian? Quieres lleyo?

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What has two legs and oinks? Half a pig.

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Why does the kid cries when he sees me? Cuz i took his lollypop last week.

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Why was the man dress in a suit ? He had a job

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-Is your refrigerator running? -Yes. -Just wondering.

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Why did the cow fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second cow fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first cow.

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what did the deaf guy say when the poor man asked how life was? the deaf guy didn't respond considering the fact that he was deaf and would never interact with a poor man.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead! Why did the bird fall out of the tree? It was attatched to the monkey! Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? .....................peer pressure

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had legs.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a doll house in her back yard? -No Neither did she

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Whats faster than a black guy with a tv? His brother who is a dentist and drives a fast sports car.

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Why did george washington not make it to the prom? because george washington is dead

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roses are red, violets are blue. sunflowers are yellow, i bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just gardening facts.

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Knock knock. USE THE DOORBELL!

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock Who is there? Not Suzie

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How many black people does it take to for there to be a murder? None. A murder is a group of crows,not black people.

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Your momma is so ugly that when she stepped on the mirror, it broke.

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Why are gay guys so good at being gay? The black guys told them too.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was Hellen Keller.

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How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two but I don't know how they got in there.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. -Knock Knock. -Who's there? -Not Sally.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops