What do you call a fat computer? Adele :)

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How much signal does an Asian woman need to cut across 4 lanes? None

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roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, which is a serious mental disorder in which I have difficulty properly experiencing reality. It should not be confused with multiple personality disorder, which is a completely different disease with different symptoms.

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What is green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree and onto your head, it will kill you? A pool table.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Mike Mike who? Just kidding, it's Danny. Oh okay, come in.

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A man sits on the toilet to take a shit And is surprised to find the next door neighbours dog in the toilet.

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How do you save the world in 2012? You aren't. 2012 isn't going to happen!

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Why was the walrus wearing braces? It wasn't, because it his highly unlikely that people would care about a walrus's dental issues. The walrus would most likely cope with his irregular teeth and move on with its life.

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In particle-joke physics, the antijoke is the extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the joke, where the antijoke is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the normal joke is composed of particles. Furthermore, mixing jokes and antijokes can lead to the annihilation of both, in the same way that mixing antiparticles and particles does.The result of antijoke meeting jokes is an explosion.[1]

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Three drunk llamas wearing sombreros are walking down the street. They walk in silence, lost in their own thoughts.

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homosexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual pandas just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homosexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

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the chicken crossed the road. the chicken was then caught by animal control because it was in the middle of a city.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, my dick is hard, and it's cumming for you.

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A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver come in a gulp the guys drink down The man starts crying the lorry driver says"don't cry I will buy you another" The guy says "it's not that: Today I woke up late for work and when I finally got there my boss fired me so I get in my car to go home and it wont start so I walk home while it's raining and when I got in I found that my wife was sleeping with the gardener so I came down here and asked for some poison and you went and drank it"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because, it realized that it was worth something in life, it had a meaning, a purpose, and a right to freedom, to go where it pleased. The chicken's first act of this freedom was to go across the street.

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What's big, yellow and if it fell from a tree it would kill you? A JCB!

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Q. How many grains of rice can you fit in an egg? A. Fire extinguisher.

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What is mary short for? Mary had an accident with a semi-truck and had to get both of her legs amputated.

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What's Kanye West's goal in life? To dash the hopes and dreams of Taylor Swift on national television.

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whats white and sticky? a white stick

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can't drown babies in roast beef.

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why did the chicken cross the road it didn't it got hit y a car

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My dog has no nose. How does it smell? It doesn't

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Do you know what hurts? An abortion.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops