A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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ProX hacker JazZ Has aids hahahaha

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A newly wed couple is at the beach and the wife asks for sunscreen and the man says he forgot it in the car. He goes to the car only to find that the car had been broken into. He goes to call his wife and they go back to the car only to find that the car had been stolen. #Turns out the thief broke the window to steal the car but saw the owner coming and hid behind a bush and upon the man going to call his wife he continued with his mission

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A man walks into a bar and says give me a 84 bourbon, when he gets it he spits it out and says this is no 84 bourbon this is a 74 scotch, So he asks for a 68 brandy , when he gets it he spits it out again in disgust saying this isn't a 68 brandy this is a 87 whiskey!, than the old man next to him says here try this, the man says what is it?, the old man just says try it, so the man does, he spits it out and shouts this is urine!, the old man says correct, now tell me how old i am.

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what did the dog say to the cat? bark what did the cat say to the dog? nothing it ran away

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Why was the black man running? Because he was playing capture the flag.

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Why did the little boy rush downstairs to the living room on Christmas morning? because he heard his mother screaming rape.

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How do you make an onion cry? Onions are incapable of crying

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What's yellow and smells like cheese? Cheese.

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Why did Suzy Fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Suzy.

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whats do dinosaurs and people have in common? one of them is extinct.

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When did Dom become so brave? When he made friends

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.

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What is the difference between Steve Jobs and a PC? PC's are not dead.

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What did the alcoholic Indian do? Continued to drink and further worsen his people's stereotype.

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Why did the car get sucked up by the tornado? Because it was in Pilger, Nebraska.

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Shiiit the halls with chunks of feces! Fa-la-la-la-la lala-lala! Taken from all sorts of species! Fa-la-la-la-la lala-lala! Bengal tiger, kangaroo, African elephant, blue whale too! Shit the halls with chunks of feces! Fa-la-la-la-lala-lala!

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Why couldn't the black man get his lawnmower to start? He was too poor to own a home =)

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What did the mexican say when two houses fell on him? Nothing. He was dead.

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A teacher, a lawyer, and a doctor are all at the edge of the cliff. Then they jump off and die.

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A Muslim and 2 French people walked into a bar They start to have a nice conversation about Charlie Hebdo

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What happened to the guy that got shot? He fell down

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you know why they're called ear wigs, right? cause they go in your ears! then they wig out? no, they kill you.

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What do u when life gives u lemons? U put them in your iced tea.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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