If you have read this its to late. You have already read this. Im am very sorry.

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what is big and white? Your Mom

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Elise's parents have four children. The first's name is April, the second's name is May, the third's name is June. What's the fourth children's name ? July. Elise is adopted, and thus does not count.

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Im about to rewrite History....... History

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Wanna know way i don't eat grapes? I hate Grapes.

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A man with glasses and a cane walks out if a clothing store and accidentally bumps into a woman, knocking his hat off "Can't you watch where you're going?" the woman asks. The man then slaps her, knocking her to the ground. He picks up his new designer fedora, and drives off in his $90,000 Cadillac. The woman, after dusting herself off, gets the guy's plates, convinces a few witnesses to testify against the man, and informs the authorities of an assault. He was later arrested for assault as well as pimping and soliciting sex. He is found guilty in a court of law and is sentenced to 2-5 years in prison, and is doled a hefty fine.

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Scenario - Two astronauts are kayaking down the Sahara dessert. Question - How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse? Answer - Purple, because ice cream has no bones.

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Why does Santa Clause say Ho Ho Ho? He has Tuberculosis.

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i woke up in the middle of the night and my entire bed was wet... know what i did? i layed a towel down and went back to sleep

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Why did the 60 y/o man take erectile dysfunction pills? His doctor prescribed them.

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Why did Bill correct Matt when he called him Jim? Because that wasn't his name.

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How do you get a tissue to dance. You don't.

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A drunk walks out of a bar gets in his car and proceeds to drive home the driver passed out at the wheel swerved in the wrong lane and smashed the car of the Jefferson family a young family of 4, the Jefferson family's car exploded into flames while the drunk sat back laughed and rubbed the wound on his head

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme. This one doesn't.

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Q. want to hear the biggest lie in the world ? A. sure A.I have read and agree to the Terms of Service - View Terms of Service

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Q. You guys want to here a joke? Kids: Yeah! A. Women's rights

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Why did Johnathan drop his popsicle? He was hit by a bus. Knock knock? Who's there? Not Johnathan

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Whats the difference between a black an white guy? They have different skin tones

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was a woman.

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What do you get when you cross a black man and an octopus? I don't know, but it sure would pick a lot of cotton.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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What do you call someone who can legally murder? OJ Simpson

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How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? most likely one unless there is physical disability that makes this person incapable of this action

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Why did the boy eat the worm? Because his parents were starving him, and it was all he had.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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