A blonde walks into a bar. She got free drinks.

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"knock knock" "whos there?" "pizza delivery!"

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It's caoimhin I wasnt writing cos kane turned my computer off the bel end aodhans been tuping sayin its be the spa.

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As I sat waiting for the doctor to return with my final prognosis, I began contemplating my own mortality. Looking inside myself, one question continued to haunt me: “What’s the X-ray technician going to do when he walks in and sees me messing with the equipment?”

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What do you call a child that has been stabbed? A dead child

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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How many men does it take to change a lightbulb? One

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What's black and Has 8 legs? Gang Rape.

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Hey babe, do you like water, because I have water.

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What's the difference between Miley Cyrus and a dead baby? One is a popular singer and the other is a dead baby.

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sorry, that was a really bad joke, joking just joking, of course we can chat later, you got something in particular to do?

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I like my women how I like my ice-cream Out cold.

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Yo momma so ugly, she couldn't fulfill her dream of being a model.

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"I want a boyfriend for these cold winter nights" ... Shut up you slut go buy a blanket.

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Why don't aliens eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

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What do you call a lord of the rings poster with nothing on it? A piece of paper

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A man walks into a sofa. BANG

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Why did Jack like oranges? - Penis

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Why was the boy with no arms and legs crying? He had a lit match in his anus.

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What would Jesus say if he was alive today? “Nehwê tzevjânach aikâna d'bwaschmâja af b'arha.”

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Now this bible thing, is a real anti joke so get ready to have your faith tested, and overcome it: There was that story where God charged against an army at the top of some mountains, the army is told to have been led with God personally at the front rank right? But they lost because the enemy had horse wagons (you know what I mean) made of steel or iron, (does not matter what it is if you ask yourself really) I mean even if it was Metatron, he would have had uh... Wings or something to even the odds, Maybe God is like Raiden from Mortal Kombat, he needs to become a Mortal in order to enter fights on earth... MORTAL KOMBAAAT! I mean God made humans humans made Sin (gotta say we get the blame for a lot of shit others did, I hate apples and cant even stand the smell of them for once, never ate one)

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How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to firmly hold the ladder and the other to cautiously screw it in. They are volunteering at the local orphanage and it is wrong to make fun of there religion. We are all different in our own special way.

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What did the one Lame say to the other Lame? I don't know, what did you say?

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Little Jack Horner sat in a corner eating a Christmas pie. He died the next morning because it was Easter and the pie had remained unrefrigerated since the holidays. His parents were brought up on charges of neglegent homocide. Plus, they had a meth lab in the guest bathroom and ran a prostituion ring off of Craig's list. Jack's sister is now in the care of loving foster parents,who plan on adopting her and she misses her brother. Easter is a sad reminder of her former life, even though she is now a devout Christian and acknowledges the day as that of our Lord's ressurection. She plans on going to college to study nursing, someday.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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