Why did Sally have a headache? She had a Brian tumor the size of an eggplant.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's worse than getting raped by a bear? Getting raped by two bears.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Do you know what's sad about 4 black men driving off a cliff in a convertible? They were my friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: How do you starve a Black family? A: By not giving any Food.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

There was a boy named Steven, a son of a rich business man. Steven was an interesting child though, as he always kept care to one of his possessions. That possession being a plain, old, brown box. On Steven's fourth birthday his father said he could have anything in the world he wanted, just name it. Steven said he wanted two quarters to put in his box. The father agreed and gave his son two quarters to put in his box. Every year the father would say he could have anything he wished for, and Steven just asked for two quarters. Nothing more. On Steven's 18th birthday he got into a severe car crash. The father stood over the hospital bed where Steven lay. "I can get you the best doctors in the world. They can save you, please let me get you this for your birthday!" The boy shook his head. "All I want is two quarters" Steven replied. The father was distraught. "Son, tell me why you've wanted these two quarters every year you have been alive instead of anything else in the world". The boy complied. "Fine I'll tell you." Then Steven died before he could tell the father. The End.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

hey chris what yu doing wit my back pack? using it..

thumb_up thumb_down +23

When birds fly south for the winter they fly in a V formation. one side is always longer than the other. why is that? Because there are more birds on that side

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why couldn't the man stop dancing? Because he had Parkinson's.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How do you stop a blind kid from walking into oncoming traffic? .................to late!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

The cow's name was Friday, But can you guess what day it died? Monday, it had a fun weekend with its family before it was brutally slaughtered.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A kid walks into a bar, everyone fled the bar because they were all afraid of goats

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why couldn't the black man be an astronaut? He was not qualified for the Job

thumb_up thumb_down +23

When is a door not a door? When your house burns down.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: what's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon A: well the first noticable difference is that the watermelon tastes better.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call most people over 50 who aren't married. Divorced

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Mario walks into a bar A yak walks into a bar An orange walks into a bar 30 men barf in a juicy yot

thumb_up thumb_down +23

how do you prevent a chicken from contracting aids?? you make him a little chicken condom.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What can kill you when it falls out of a tree? Anything of a considerable weight actually.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's a good joke? Not this one.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What sound does a baby in a blender make? I don't know, I was too busy masturbating.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

We could have had it all Rolling in the deep You have my heart inside of your hand As you've just now inexplicably ripped it out of my ribcage.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Knock Knock Who's there? My foot. My foot who? My foot in your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops