Why does Michael J. Fox always have his martinis shaken? He thinks they taste better that way.

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Why can't the orphan play baseball? He can't find home.

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scenario: two teddy bears wrestling under water question: how many apples does it take to tussel with a potato answer: 96 becouse pillows dont eat chease

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My dad calls me a son of a bitch and I'm like "hey! You married her"

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what do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind

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So you're floating down a river on a two story canoe. How many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house? Four because snakes have no legs.

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roses are red violets are blue maskrosor are gula

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Your big dick.

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What did the black man buy at the store? Nothing he has no money

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Why did the KFC worker dislike his job? He was paid lower than minumum wage due to the plummeting economy.

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I insist, you go ahead. See you around. how about in four six hours?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't cross it. He was pushed.

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Did I tell you about when I hit a cat with my car? No, what happened? I hit a cat.

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How do you get four gay men on one stool? You get three more stools.

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How many Obamas does it take to screw an economy? What do you think?

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What did the blonde say when she fell out of a tree? Nothing, she shattered her trachea upon landing.

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What's bad about four black men in a car going over a cliff? It was my car.

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Horse.

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A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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Q: How many burgers did little Johnny eat? A: Involuntary erections.

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How do you keep an elephant from charging? Ask nicely.

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Why didnt Stevie Wonder wave back at the white man? Because he's a racist.

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Why did the man go to McDonalds? Because he was a pedophile.

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Why do gingers get mad when people call them gingers? Because it hurts their feelings

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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