Why does Matt Daly do in his free time? it involves his finger and his own buttwhole

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homosexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual pandas just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homosexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

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Why don't women drive more? Because statistically the man offers to drive more frequently

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What looks good hanging from trees? Spanish moss.

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What's black and white and nailed to the floor? A skunk that's nailed to the floor.

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Q: How do you do to get an elephant down from a tree? A: Wait for the fall when the leaves start falling you shoot it down.

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Dig a big hole in your front yard and wait next to it so when people walk by they'll ask "Why is there a hole in your front yard?" to whcih you will reply "I don't know. Do you wanna play Monopoly?"

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Showcasing you? Really? I am tired too, yeah its daytime here as well, sleep well then. Hey, by the way, when you where like posting a lot of weird comments, where you trying to impress me?

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Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. He calls the right number.

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What's a fun thing to do on a plane? Make a bolt to the pilot, smash his brains in with a iron pipe and make the plane plummet a few hundred feet with a maniacal laugh until you wake up from your dream and scream at your mother to wipe you.

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Q: What do you call a real joke on anti joke A: Someone obviously don't understand the concept of this website

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Did you hear about the kid from Texas? He shot his campus up.

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What did the farmer say after the chicken started talking? Holy shit a talking chicken.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Who. Who, Who? Shut up you damn owl, I'm trying to deliver a pizza.

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A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says "You have to stop masturbating." The man says "What, why?!" The doctor says "So I can examine you."

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How do you make a drug dealer cry? Just say no

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Which is rather deceiving, Considering that the name 'violet' should naturally insinuate that the object it is describing is violet as well. Violet as a color is generally a deep shade of purple. Therefore, shouldn't the aforementioned plant, the 'violet', be violet in color as opposed to the blue color that is most widely accepted by the general populous?

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What is more difficult than trying to get blood from a stone? Trying to teach it Japanese in the process. [L]

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Whats worse than the Holocaust. Nothing the Holocaust was the single worst thing to happen ever.

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What's red and can sing? Elmo

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Ok so im on antijoke.com and they tell me i can write my own joke... so i did.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side

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I have this friend named Rachel, so I call her Rachel.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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