Q: How do you make a five year cry twice? A: There are many ways, as children are generally not that adept at controlling their emotions. Loud noises, threats of violence, images of scary monsters... those tend to work. Be sure to let them stop crying before making them cry again, otherwise you will have only made them cry once.

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How many women does it take to change a lightbulb. None, Thomas Edison was a man.

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''In Austin, Texas, President Obama told an audience, 'If you want to go forward you put your car in 'D.' If you want to go backward, you put your car in 'R.'' But you know something? Either way, the economy is still F'd.''

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What happened to the man who jumped off a plane while riding a donkey? He died.

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Do they have a fourth of July in England? Yes, but it is just a sad reminder to them that all the cool people left for America.

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what did the guy say to the goose? i know you don't understand but my life sucks. my wife just dumped me for another man and my kids hate me. thank you. you are the only one to understand.

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*Science Teacher goes into his class* Teacher:MR MCAAAAAAAN! What's the answer?! MrMccann: I dunno sir. Teacher: WHAT DO YA MEAN YA DUNNO?! HAVE I EVER ASKED YOU A QUESTION YOU DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO?! MrMcann: No Teacher:Then answer this. JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN DO YOU KNOW THE ANSWER?!

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You mom is to dumb when she herd about Walgreens she thout all the walls were green

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What is worse than catching someone trying to cheat by looking at your exam? Getting struck by lightning.

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Q-what did lady gaga say to the retard when he asked why he's so stupid? A- Cuz baby u were born this way

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You walk into a plane full of Arabs talking about how much they hate America. You arrive at your destination enlightened about the problems in American society

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An Irishman walked out of a bar

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School

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A wild bear walks into a bar, grabs a drink and looks at the man next to it. The man then wakes up from a dream and gets ready for work.

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How did the Mexican cross the border without getting caught? He didn't; he was executed immediately.

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What do you call a Muslim man flying a plane? The pilot.

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Your mother is so fat that she will likely eventually develop diabetes.

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9

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What did the leper say to the prostitute? "How much?! No thanks, I think I'll shop around."

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What's the difference between a baby and an egg? One is fun to throw at houses and the other is an egg.

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Don't count your eggs before you put them in a basket.

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What's the difference between Miley Cyrus and a dead baby? One is a popular singer and the other is a dead baby.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? So he wouldn't become rotisserie with a side of hash brown.

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Why did the Hispanic man have drugs in his pocket? He had just gone to the pharmacy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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