- Anti Joke

you go to cvs and theres a robber trying to shoot everyone and the cashier says do you have a rewards card

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

Lol you respond here goood one AAANDEEERS TEN MG PER PILL Asswhipe! Besides friends call me Black Metal, you can call me Nero the avenger. Line kinda broke up with you first, you think she would send you a picture with my finger on her... cough... AND THINK YOU WOULD STILL STIck aROUND WITH HER? Id be more... well glad for your mothers sake, btw, she got me flowers, I wont tell the rest, but she got me another pic... Okay ill tell the rest then, first pic is my fingas, the other is my limpo in her mouth... The third is the funny doctor which caught us and wanted all three of us to be on the pic... Aww, no really man, you had a gem, we where good friends before me and Line, but she did not want to leave before she got me flowers... Aww... Ooooh... Oh! Well not yet but you get the picutre. I got ur message, sure im high as a kite, but I know what im doing if you can "picture" what I mean... Dont tell your mom btw, I want to surprise her, (reverse psychology) hmm, that did I write that? Anyway, how is your sister doing? I dont think she gives those strangely long hugs to anyone but me, and she laughed wen i got a boner... NERO, never call me, never ever call Me black, besides its either Mr.Black, oor black metla you rat! VALIUM? SERIOUSLY? Ill get that test extended you know... Because POISONING!

What's the difference between a red ball and a blue ball? There both blue but the red one

Why was Rosa Parks forced to sit in the back of the bus? Rebecca Black decided to sit in the front.

A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

What is the sun's favorite day of the week? The sun is a mass of incadescent gas and cannot feel emotions; therefore, it cannot have a favorite day of the week.

Why was the asian a bad driver? Because while he was driving a leprechaun was punching him in the face.

Why don't women bother to have penises? Because they're lazy and they don't care.

How do you mess with Hellen Keller? Re-arrange her furniture.

The funniest thing happened in my dream last night, i dreamed that banks would stop ripping people off and start treating people like humans. How wierd is that :D

Q:How do you kill an Elephant? A:With an Elephant gun Q:How do you kill a blue Elephant? A:With a blue Elephant gun. Q:How do you kill a purple Elephant? A:With a purple Elephant gun. Q:How do you kill a red Elephant? A:There is no such thing.

Captain Falcon is eating a restaurant. After he sits down at his table, a waiter comes by to take his drink order. Not wanting to skew his blood alcohol level for his next race, he asks for a non-alcoholic drink. The waiter says, "We only have water and punch. Which would you like?" Captain Falcon replies, "Water, please."

How do you drown a blond? You hold her underwater.

Not gonna tell you, that was one weird story, I feel like super high right now.

Why didn't the Irishman walk into the bar? Beacause he had killed himself the previous night as a result of his alcoholism.

how many dead babies can you fit into a bath tub i dont know i didnt get the chance to fill it up yet

What do you do when you're given a phonebook? You ask for their name.

Why did Little Suzy get hit by a truck? Well the real question is, "Why was Little Suzy in the road," so why was she? Because she felt like it.

A man walked into my repair shop asking why his TV didn't work. I told him it was broken.

A man goes to the potty.

What do you say to a man who just gave you a million dollars. thank you

Its not a big mistake at all, if people do not want to get hypnotized you cant hypnotize them, or so I thought...

What did the prison inmate get for Christmas? A warm chair to sit in

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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