A cowboy rides into town and stays the weekend but then leaves on Wednesday, how is this possible? He was alive for the weekend and died on Sunday, his body left on Wednesday. Now get a job and be happy with your life.

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Two men walked into a bar. Only one came out. What happened? One Passed out.

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Tina: Mom, would you love me if I was straight Mom: Yes Tina: Would you love me if I was gay Mom: Yes Tina: Would you love me if I was Bi Mom: No Tina: Why not Mom: Because that's selfish!

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Its a long story, I got two balance nerves, I technically got four ear drums (relax you cant see it nor anything,neither can doctors without weird unpleasant stuff), I got about twice the number of synapses as regular people, and well, that makes me pretty damn good at some things, and a total retard at others.

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A boy walks to the bark and on his way he sees two individuals having sex in a car. He runs home and asks hios mother what he saw. She responds vinny is an enormous dork

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because the mas of the ice-cream gathered up enough potential energy to increase the velocity of said ice cream making a mess on the ground.

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What has an orange t shirt A dick I lied about the shirt

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What happened to the guy that took to many lunesta pills? He fell asleep but he was glad it was the weekend or he would have been late for his job

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How do the Chinese name their children? They decide on a name that both parents can agree upon, and they write that on the certificate of birth.

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A man goes to his doctor and asks: ""What is wrong with me doc? One moment I think I am a teepee, the next moment I a, a wigwam." To which the doctor responds: "I have told you several times sir; you have stage IV pancreatic cancer."

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ronald wants to join a gym, they tell him to lose 20 pounds before coming back or else.....

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A. Treadmil

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hating his life and his job, the man leaves work early and while he is in the elavator he has thoughts about killing himself after returning to his apartment he turns on the TV and grabs his gun out of the drawer. sitting in a chair with a gun to his head he looks at the TV and realizes that his office building has just been hit by a 747 piloted by Al-Quida members. Suddenly the man realizes that maybe he has something to live for and decides not to kill himself.

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Why did the fat man fall off the balcony? He didn't, I pushed him.

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Why is Timmy afraid of x-rays? The last time Timmy had an x-ray, the radiation was too much for him, giving him terminal cancer, which also explains why he will die in the next 24 hours.

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Q: Whats Red And Has Socks? A: An Apple, I Lied About The Socks..

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Son: "Mommy That Boy Over There Beat Me Up" Mom: Good I Like When You Suffer

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What do you call a baby with no future? A baby dying at birth.

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Q: Why did the little boy who just got over a terrible sore throat fall down the stairs? A: His legs were brutally torn off by wolves.

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A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this!" The doctor replies "That because there's a knife in your hand."

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Wha do you call a couple with aids? 2 pepole who need immediate health treatment.

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How do you get a baby to stop crying? Hit it with a brick.

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In Soviet Russia, life was very hard due to the failing economy and oppressive government.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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