What has two legs and is red all over? Half a cat.

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A momma tomato and a baby tomato are walking down the street, and the baby tomato starts to fall behind. The mother turns to it and says "hurry up."

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What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind? His teeth.

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Why is it irrelevant whether someone is a twat or not? Love your neighbour.

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So Helen Keller walked into a bar... and then a chair.... and then a table..

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What's worse than requesting a three-some to your in-laws? Forgetting to suggest that they me too fragile and disabled, resulting in one of their limbs breaking.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Rocky was chasing him

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What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves.

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Who should you call when your dad overdoses on Viagra. Child Support

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Why did the chick cross the road? To get to the brothel for hot lesbian love.

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What did 4 Year Old Jonny get for his birthday? Death.

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I like peanuts. I like peanuts. I like peanuts. I'm allergic to peanuts. DAMIT

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue I want to get you pregnant.

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What do you do when your dish washer breaks? divorce her.

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I really did not understand the chapter. Is there anyway I can meet with you at a later time to discuss what I did wrong?

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What haircut did Timmy get at the barbershop? He didn't, he saved money from the barber by going through chemo.

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Why did the tomato blush? A tomato's complexion is already red so it simply appears to be blushing

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Whats the difference between a lemon and an ant? They're both yellow except for the lemon.

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If I give you 5 dollars, and you give me 5 dollars, then we both still have 5 dollars, which when combined will equal 10 dollars. Meaning we could buy something that cost's 10 dollars or less. But we should probably also factor in tax, so we should only buys something that costs a little over 9 dollars.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

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You attend a school atop a hill in the middle of the town. A river flows east of the hill, under the bridge built for the highway that runs two miles behind the school. You mother leaves for work at 6:00 a.m., and your brother leaves at 9:00 a.m. Schools starts at 7:30 a.m., and you have to pick up a sandwich on the way, for lunch. Also, you forgot to do an assignment that's due today, and it'll take you at least thirty minutes to complete it. How do you get to school on time? You walk.

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"what did the priest say to the rabbi?" "what" "my religions better

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What happens if you fell off a 600 foot cliff? You die.

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how many mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 283,000,322,249,390

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops