Q. What's the difference between a clock and an elephant? A. A clock doesn't have limbs, muscles or a respiratory system.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He got hit in the head with a brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what's worse than falling and scraping your knee? living within a 10 mile radius of a Japanese nuclear reactor

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Ernie: "Hey Jim, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?" Jim then breaks down and cries deeply at Ernie's question as the fact that he was born without a tongue continues to slowly tear him apart.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Your mama is so fat, we are all severely concerned for her health

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the koala fall of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the other koala fall off the tree? It was stapled to the first koala.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the boy have to ride the bus? Because both his parents died.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's the sexiest thing on a farm? It depends on what you find sexy, and your personal perception of a farm.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock Knock... Who's there? Nine... Nine who? Nine Eleven.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did Ann Frank say when she dropped her icecream Nothing because she was captured by Natzis

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do u call something that's sticky and in a stick form? A glue stick :)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did God say to Abraham? Nothing, because God doesn't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

In the movie Sherlock holms, why is Sherlock Holms gay?? --------------Because he is chasing "blackwood"

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's the difference between me and an animal? I'm human

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's worse than burning your tongue drinking hot chocolate? Being shanked by a homeless man.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man walks into a bar. He leaves a large rucksack by the pool table and walks out. The rucksack then explodes and kills 13 people because it is the height of the Troubles and the man is a member of the IRA, who targetted the bar because it is regularly visited by British servicemen. The media extensively cover the story, and the two sides of the conflict in Northern Ireland decide that the bloodshed must stop, which eventually made way to the Good Friday agreement of 1998.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what does pedobear get for christmas ? nothing he's the one giving love to all kids .

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did Rudolph poop while flying over Chicago? Actually, he had to go since trip started, and that's just where it happened to land.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

There's a Mexican and a black guy in a car... Who's driving? The Cop!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Officer i'm dot nrunk, beriously you gotta selieve me!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How many blondes can you fit in a car? About 5 if you lift the arm rest.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

An irishman walks into a bar and drinks 6 pints of guiness. He then drives himself home and savagely beats his wife and children.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How many squirrels does it take to screw out a light bulb? None because squirrels lack the strength and mind set to screw out a light bulb.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops