I would tell you a joke about a blunt pencil but it's pointless

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Joey: hey bobby who you talking to? Bobby: oh yeah I forgot to tell you your mom died.

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A black guy and a Mexican are in a car, who is driving? They take turns due to the fact it is a long trip.

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Why shouldn't you try to pick up a live scorpion with your teeth? Because it could easily sting your face, or mouth.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? A bike

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What do you call a tall midget? Well tall is a relative term so a midget may be considered tall compared to something or someone shorter. Say if a midget was compared to a baby he/she would be considered tall, considering the baby's small height. However midgets are looked at short by most people who are taller than them because of their physical problem that they can do nothing about.

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An English man, a German man and a Canadian man stood on the edge of a cliff. The English and German both jump off. What happens then? The Canadian says "they were serious?!" and runs away to fake his death and live the rest of his life as Frank Brown.

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How old is victor? Half past dead

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What's worse than 6 dead babies in a trash can? More than 6.

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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Yes

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Q: what's red and blue and covered in piss? A: everything. I'm so sorry.

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A fish walked into a bar. Actually it didn't, since fish can't walk.

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Knock Knock Who's There Mailman Mailman who? Sir, I don't have time for this, take your mail.

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What do you hear when you put your foot on a man's ear? A man saying, "WTF are you doing?!"

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Why is Michael J. Fox so go at dance? Because he took lesson as a child

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Why did the chicken cross the road? it was thrown

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What did the big Chimney say to the little Chimney? Nothing they are chimneys ....

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What's brown an sticky Shit

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what do you call a black man sleeping on a park bench at 2 in the morning? Homeless

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What do you call an earthquake on Mars? There is not enough water on planet Mars for something like that to happen.

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A horse and a group of people are the jury in a courtroom. They are expected to vote yay or nay of whether a supposed robber is guilty or not. The jury goes into their room. They come out, and the people vote yay. The room turns to the horse. The horse states his objection very thoughtfully, and then leaves the room.

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What is annoying and uses another language? Spanish class!

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A teenage girl walks into a bar. She sits down and watches the TV up against the wall. The bartender walks by and says "Hello, do you have I.D." The girl says "No, I'm just here waiting for my ride." The bartender then says "Well I'm sorry to have to tell you this but you gotta be 21 or over to sit in the bar." The girl says "Okay, but is there anywhere I can wait that is safe?" The bartender asks "Why?" and the girl replies "Well, I've been hiding from my ex boyfriend. I just broke up with him an hour ago. He was very controlling and he is still not over me. So now I'm here waiting for my new boyfriend." The bartender says "What you have a new boyfriend already? Maybe that's why your ex was angry." The girl says "yeah, I know, oh look there's my ride. It was nice talking with you, have a good night."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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