How do you wake up lady gaga? Poke 'er face.

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Knock! Knock! Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock! Knock! Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock! Knock! Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad this joke is over?

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what did little johnny get his grandfather for christmas?nothing his grandfather died on thanksgiving

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was playing tic-tac-toe with a friend.

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What did the traffic light say to the car? Bye.

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Why was the new born on the orphanage's doorstep? He was an accident.

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What’s brown and hairy? Brown hair.

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What did the father say to his child Christmas morning? you're adopted

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Why did the little boy throw rocks at his sister? ...Because she has cancer.

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In a nerd wedding they don't say "i do" They say "i accept the terms and conditions"

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What happens when a bunch of animals break into your house... they eat you.

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Why did god create planet earth? He isn't real.

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What is worse than torturing, "forcibly penetrate" and then slowly and painfully kill nine billion people? The Holocaust?

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What's red and has four letters? A stop sign

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Q: What's big, yellow and can't swim? A: A school bus full of children.

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How does a penguin make pancakes out of skis? Purple because it's the best.

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How do you get to the store, if your car is broken down? Steal a blind girls bike, she can't ride it anyway!

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Yo mama is so fat that she has to eat salad instead of sandwiches because she wants to lose weight by going on a no-carb diet.

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How do you kill a vampire? You can't because vampires aren't real.

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Timmy had to use the restroom in class one day, so he raised his hand and asked, "Can I use the restroom?" The teacher said, "I don't know, CAN you?" Timmy said'," When I was using 'can', I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier for asking for permission, as opposed to expressing ability. I though since you were a teacher you would know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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Hello penis

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What's worse than being annal raped by a black man? Well lots of things are but being raped by a guy who has around a 7 inch penis may be hurtful I'm sure being cut open and eaten alive may be worse;)

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Richard Nixon walks into a bar. Everyone is thrilled to meet a former President of the United States who returned from the grave.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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