A Sodium atom walks into a bar. A Chlorine atom bumps into it, taking the electron, then making a bond. Suddenly, the police come in. They arrest the Chlorine atom, of course, but they also arrest the Sodium atom. He says, "what did I do?" The policemen say, "you're too ugly to be out in public."

thumb_up thumb_down -11

There are 3 prisoners inside a cage. All the prisoners are blind folded and wearing hats. They are told there are 5 hats all together, 2 blue hats and 3 red hats. If one of them can answer what color hat they are wearing they are all set free. However, they have no idea what color hat they are wearing, only what color hat the other prisoners are wearing. They are also not allowed to tell what color the others are wearing. So the game begins: The first prisoner takes off his blind fold. The guard says "What color hat are you wearing?" and the first prisoner says "I don't know." The second prisoner takes off his blind fold. The guard says "What color hat are you wearing?" and the second prisoner says the same thing, "I don't know" Now the third prisoner didn't even need to take off his blind fold. He already knew the answer. He said, "Sir, I know I am wearing a red hat" The guard smiled and all the prisoners are set free. Why? If the first prisoner saw the other prisoners blue hats then he knows he's wearing a red hat because there are only 2 blue hats and 3 red hats. But he sees one guy wearing blue and one guy wearing red, so he says "I don't know." The second prisoner took off his blind fold and the same thoughts occur. If he saw the other prisoners wearing all 2 blue hats, then he knows he's wearing red. Instead, he sees one guy wearing a blue hat and the other guy wearing a red hat. So he says "I don't know" Now the third prisoner doesn't even need to take off his blind fold. Why? He heard the other prisoners saying they don't know, which led him to believe that all they saw was blue and red hats. That means if he takes of his blind fold he will see that both of the previous prisoners will be wearing blue hats and since there are only 2 blue hats available, he must be wearing a red hat.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

a man walked into a bar, sat down and had a drink with his friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the chicken die? Because it was crossing a busy road.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A couple elopes in Vegas. The next morning while eating breakfast the woman tells her husband she thinks it was a mistake, using her alcoholism as an excuse for her inability to make practical decisions. The man proceeded to cry and called his attorney to arrangea proper divorce.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the man say after jumping into a well? He didn't say anything because he died instantly after jumping head first into a dry, 20 foot well. His family mourned for three days.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call a woman with two black eyes? Irish sunglasses

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why cant Helen Keller drive a bus? Cuz she's dead!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A mexican fast food worker accidentally drops a cheeseburger on the ground. Realizing the floor is most likely unsanitary, he throws it out and gets the customer a new one.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the blind man say to his wife? -would you mind helping me upstairs, for I cannot see.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Know what im sayin'? No but im wearing pants

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being raped by a giant scorpion.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

You die of loss of blood, under a pile of first-aid kits

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Katy perry isn't on clould nine because it's physicaly impossible to stand on water persipitation.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the cow say moo? Cows can't say anything they actually make noises that humans interpreted as "moo"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one . Though , I do have cancer .

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Which is worse, 9/11 or the holocaust? Biting into an apple and finding a worm.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas? X box Kinect

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What would you call the flinstones if they were black? Ni**gers

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q:Wanna know a funny joke? A:Womens Rights

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the little boy fall over. Because someone shot him in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What is long, hard, and full of seamen A submarine you pervert

thumb_up thumb_down -11

My closet is like the wardrobe to Narnia, accept my closet isnt a portal into a magical world.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops