How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends on how hard you throw them.

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-Knock Knock -Who's there? -It's just Linda from nextdoor. -Oh hi Linda come on in.

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What did Marsha say when she ate the apple pie? Nothing. It would be rude for her to talk with her mouth full.

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"The only thing worse than being talked about is getting AIDS." -Oscar Wilde

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a blind man walks down the street and trips on an unsuspecting curb he scraped his knee

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What did the confused blonde girl ask to a nearby student? Why is there a man painted green throwing forks at me

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What's the quickest way to a man's heart? A knife.

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A turtle walks into a bar. The bar tender says "what will it be?" the turtle doesnt reply because its a turtle and the bar tender is sent to a mental hospital for talking to turtles.

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What was funny about the Halocast? Nothing, thousands of innocent people died

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Ok so im on antijoke.com and they tell me i can write my own joke... so i did.

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What does a black man and a monkey have in common? Until February 3rd 1870 neither could vote in America. Monkeys still can't. 

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A man looks both ways before crossing the street. He gets hit by an airplane.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue; In Soviet Russia, POEM WRITES YOU!

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Roses are black Violets are black I'm blind

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Kid: "Tell me about when you were young, Grandpa." Grandpa: "Oh, sonny, those were crazy times. My friends and I were out of control. We used to give each other wet-willies and funny arm. We'd play dandy-balls and legs-a-spread and penis-butt." Kid: "Sounds kind of gay, Grandpa. " Grandpa: "It was gay. Everyone was. But, back then, we were called pole-fancies. It was real, good old-fashioned "grab the nearest tree and hold on for dear life" gay, not today's fancy, featherbed, thread-count gay. People got hurt back then! Kid "That's gay." Grandpa: "Yeah, it was pretty gay "

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What did the lady say to the boy who's parents just died? Haha, your parents just died.

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You know what sucks? A vacuum.

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If Hellen Keller could meet Obama, what would she say? Nothing.

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What do you call a black woman that's blind and has 1 leg? Handicapped

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Whats pink and silver and runs into walls? A baby with forks in its eyes. Whats green and silver and sits in a corner? The same baby three weeks later.

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How do you kill a blonde? Stab her with a knife.

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Who is the most famous black person? Michael Jackson, except he's not black.

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why did the hobo want cancer so badly? he really needed a haircut

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How do you stop a little boy from annoying you? You chop his balls of. Why was the little boy sad? Because someone chopped his balls off.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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