why is the spine-tailed swift the fastest bird? because its faster than the second fastest bird.

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What's worse than a piece of food stuck between your teeth? I don't know, what? A cruise ship stuck between your teeth.

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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A man is traveling to the nearest grocery store. He stops at an intersection and notices a another car beside him. It was a black corvet. So he blew it up and the men inside of it as well. He then proceeded to call the cops as to try to cover the explosion up as if it was not his fault. Unfortunately, the police had video evidence of the incident through video surveillance and the man was arrested for life. He never got a second chance in life and eventually died a slow, painful death in the hands of cancer at the age of 91.

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Why did the old man throw the clock out the window? Because he didn't want to go to a store that could repair it, so then he thought that it was better off on his yard where it could compost.

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Two scientists are working in a lab. The first one asks, "Do you want some sodium?" The second one pours acid into the first one's eyes.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Q:Whats worse than stubbing your toe? A: Watching a terrorist saw your dads arm off.

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What did the milk bottle say to the other milk bottle? Nothing. Bottles can't talk you silly goose.

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A blonde walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What're you drinking?" The blonde says, "Nothing yet. That's why I'm in a bar. But your lack of basic observation skills is disturbing."

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There once was a man from Nantucket, He sailed a boat.

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I wear my sunglasses at night. I'm always getting into car accidents.

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What did the snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots?

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Allah walked into AK Bar

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two kids see a girl naked in the woods They walk away promptly to their homes and tell their mothers.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? What ever you want, its still not going to come.

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There once was a man from Nantucket, Who had an average-sized penis he only used during monogamous sex with his spouse.

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there was once a time before tht time when there wasnt bonerss there were erectionss CC

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What happened when the boy got caught with his hand in the cookie jar? He gets shot in the face by Santa.

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What do you call a black man eating dessert? A man of African ancestry enjoying a sweet treat.

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Q) What's worse than getting a parking ticket? A) The Black Death

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Q: Why does Billy get bullied at school? A: Because he has Down's Syndrome

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What is red and smells like brown feces? Bloody feces

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Why did the guy eat pizza? Because he likes pizza.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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