A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender realizing this is an odd situation, seeing that ducks cannot articulate the English language, realizes he must be dreaming. He wakes up and turns to tell his wife about the dream, but she won't respond. He then realizes how his marriage is in shambles...

How many squirrels does it take to screw out a light bulb? None because squirrels lack the strength and mind set to screw out a light bulb.

How do you put in a lightbulb? Call your local electrition

Why couldn't Billy write his own name... ...because he was wearing purple lemonade???

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, but it was delicious.

Wanna hear a good joke? Sure. So does Hellen Keller

Q: What's so funny about medical records? A: You're not the one dying.

What did the man say to the other man? I would have no clue because I am deaf

What did the sleepy man say to his wife? I'm sleepy.

Whats the difference between an apple and a chicken? Many, many things

What do you call a calculator without a brain? A calculator.

Whats worse than a bee sting? -Two bee stings. Whats worse than two bee stings? -The holocaust. Whats worse than the holocaust? -Three bee stings.

Why does fowlerville suck cause everyone wishes they were black

What did the duck say to the Pope? Quack.

How did the frog fly? It drank a magic potion. How did the snake fly? It ate the frog How the the eagle fly? It already can.

If atheism is a religion, then not collecting stamps is a hobby.

Why is Skrillex bad at fishing? Because he always increases the treble input in his songs, and he doesnt have a rod.

What did the doctors tell the boy with cancer who is on his way to being released from the hospital? "you are going to die," why give him hope and be proved wrong. This way if they are wrong the whole situation is a miracle, if they are right..... "I told you so"

Two men walk into a bar and begin ordering drinks. Both men engage in polite conversation with each other. At the end of the night they each take taxi's home because they realize the potential risk they pose to others if they drive intoxicated.

-Knock knok who's there? -Orange Orange who? -Orange you glad im an orange? ...I believe you have confused the noun "Orange" with the conjunction "aren't".

What did the bird say to the fence? Chirp.

Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the bird.

Why can't Stevie Wonder read? He has retinopathy of prematurity and was born blind.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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