Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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How can you tell your not italian? You aint no Guito!

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What was the last thing that went through the crashing helicopter pilot's head? The propeller.

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There are two muffins sitting in an oven, one muffin says to the other; boy it's hot in here. the other other muffin doesn't reply because it's a muffin, muffins don't talk. Now consider that the first muffin was a squirrel, A TALKING SQUIRREL!

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What does it mean when the drummer drools out of both sides of their mouth? That they may have had a stroke and you should immediately call 911.

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a dyslecstic son seys to his mum can i have a mcdonald for tea the mum seys ye if you can spell mcdonlds and the son seys fuk that im having a kcf

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I'm attracted to you like the earth is attracted to the sun. With a force that is inversely proportional to the distance squared.

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Why are rich people usually fat? They're living large

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What did the woman find when she got home from the post office? Her son's corpse hanging from a clothes hanger. She was an abusive mom, and he killed himself.

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Bill is driving along the Interstate.All the sudden, a refrigerator falls off the truck in front of him.The fridge slams into Bill's car.He dies instantly.

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In a nerd wedding they don't say "i do" They say "i accept the terms and conditions"

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What do a Nazi and a Democrat have in common? They are both members of a highly supported political faction.

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Who do u talk to when everyone is ignoring you? Nobody will talk to you so what's the point?

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What's small, furry and looks like a mouse? Most probably a mouse but given the large number of mammals with similar appearances to a mouse it could easily be a shrew, vole or even a rat if you don't know your rodents very well.

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why does chuck norris not have a middle name? because his parents didn't want him to have one.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor?

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What's the difference between a bucket of shit and a black guy? -the bucket.

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FUCK YOU

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Two trees sit in a dark forest. Between them is a small hare. The wind blows hard and rustles the trees. The hare then looks up, and then forward. He hops away.

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how many people does it take to change a light bulb....... none..................its stilll bright

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Why did the overweight black man wake up & then not get out of bed? He was paraplegic.

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Michael Jackson walks into a bar No he doesn't. He's dead.

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Why did the man commit suicide? He was depressed.

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friend' Knock Knock! you; no one home go away

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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