what is black and white and read all over? A penguin in a blender

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Why didn't Santa deliver presents until the night after Christmas? You should go ask someone who knows.

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What has 8 legs and 1 eye? 2 chairs and half a fish.

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Why did the christmas tree smell like shit? because pavaroti used it as a dildo

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How do you piss off a blind person? Tell him to piss in a round room.

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how do u stop a cat from peeing on the floor? Kill it... haha

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guess what? WHAT? Idk.

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What did the lady with Alzheimer's do yesterday She can't remember

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How do u turn on a lamp? Flip the switch

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What do you call a person who hammers a nail into his forehead? A dumbass.

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What's worse than celery stuck between your teeth? A cruise ship stuck between your teeth.

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I asked my wife to make me a sandwich. I had forgotten she was dead.

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What happened to the guy who dropped his soap in the prison shower? His friend picked it up for him.

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I will grant you one wish, but it sure as hell isn't coming true!

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A man is pulled over for drunk driving, and is asked to say the alphabet backwards. When requested to do so, the man says, "officer, I can't even do that when I'm sober," thus admitting that he is drunk. The police officer chuckles at the drunk man's stupidity, and wonders whether or not his wife would find the incident funny. After all, they do share a similar sense of humor.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Insurance. Insurance who? I'm sorry, sir; we can't fix your liver because you don't have any insurance.

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A blonde girl walks into a hairdressers and asks for a slight trim. She leaves the hairdressers fairly happy with the result although she was unhappy with the price which she later concluded was most likely because of the rising inflation. However overall she felt it had been a successful outing.

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A young penguin walks into a bar with tears streaming down his face. "Whats wrong with you?" asks the barman. "I've lost my Dad", says the Penguin. The barman asks, "What's he look like?"

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Beans, beans the magical fruit. The more you smoke, the blacker your lungs get.

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Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

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NEVER

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A man walks into a doctors office and waits for his turn. After his name was called he walked up to the doctor and told him that he kept having hallucinations. The doctor prescribed an antibiotic to help with the mans addiction to LSD.

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Yo mama so fat she at the rest of this joke.

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What did one penguin say to the other? Flippty-flop-dop-boop-de-bop. Jazzhands.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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