How do you stop the neighbors from calling the police when you play your music too loud? Kill them and use their bodies as noise insulation

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Q) Why did the Koala fall out of the tree A) Because it was dead!

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Rap. Skate. Smoke.

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If I was, yet this syndicate was a legal one, necessary in order to maintain world peace trough the means of economical stability and such, would this be acceptable to you? Hypothetically of course.

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Mexican? I dont care if you are Mexican or not really, it makes no difference to me, I know you, I seen you before. But seriously, I consider you a good friend and all, and it seems we both get along, but you know after stuff happens, are we still friends then or is this all just a mating game thing for you? You can be honest with me, I am a realist, and I kinda like the idea of,the day after tomorrow, wont deny that. Its just that I dont want to lose a good friend in the process, and if this is just you trying to score, then well, I guess its still nice knowing this side of you.

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What do you call justin bieber haveing sex with a lady? A dream

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white or wheat? wheat please.

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42

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Whats worse than getting in an arrow in the side of your neck Finding out there is a gas bill tied to it

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What did Helen Keller get for Christmas? Glasses

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What do you call a muslim flying an airplane? A pilot.

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What's black and blue and hates sex? The 13 year old tied up in my basement.

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Knock knock Who the fuck says knock knock?

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Excuse me, I have a shitload of stuff to do, so you are Eliza huh? I thought that was just one person conveying something to someone. Anyway, what is your name? My name is actually Nero, but you do not strike me as an Eliza, first name is more than enough. You know, if you dare, Ill be back shortly, I was gonna shower but then again, I haven't moved at all today, so yeah. Saved you? I have never saved anyone well, excuse me then, see you around, worry less about people bothering with us chatting, hell they might risk learning something (not a chance, people here are fucking jackasses, with one exception, and I do not mean me this time).

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Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

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A blonde girl walks into a car.

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What do you call someone who doesn't have a soul? A ginger

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Naw, not now, I don't want to be assimilated, I am a bit of a wuss right now, really tired.

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What is the difference between a refrigerator? Seven anchors because blue isn't vital for turtles to fornicate.

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Q: Why did the little boy fall off the swing? A: Because he was hit by a bus, and then was raped violently. He is currently undergoing psychotherapy.

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A homophobic man walks into a bar and the bartender asks: "what can I get for ya?" the man replies: "shut up gaylord"

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What did the computer say to the mouse? Nothing inanimate objects cant talk

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Why did the man eat a human heart? Because he was part of a dangerous, religious cult.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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