What do you call a 5000 pound gorilla? Obese - gorillas should weigh around 400 pounds.

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denisssssssssssssss

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What did Jesus say when he was nailed to the cross? Please, not the nails.

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The bartender says "We don't serve time travellers here". Two time travellers walk into a bar.

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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Hey, what do you call an absent-minded person? I'm sorry what did you say?

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How did the marines cross the minefield safely at night? Under a full moon

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Charles. Charles who? It's your brother Charles. I came straight here from the doctor. I was just diagnosed with stage 4 testicular cancer.

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Three guys walk into a bar. The four man hastily ducks, grabs his phone and calls the local paramedic.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a doll house? She didn't either.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because i was on the other side and we were going to catch a movie

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Whats better than 7 babies tied to 1 tree 1 baby tied to 7 trees

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What do you call a red ballon? It depends on its color duh!

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Where did the two Jews ride when they got married? In the back of the oven.

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A vampire sees a werewolf at a bar, aware of the upcoming brawl between them two, the bartender shoots them both in the head but it's okay because neither of them exist.

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What do you call a newborn son? The proudest moment of your life. What do you call a newborn daughter? A disappointment.

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why did the man ride the helicopter,because he was hurt horrible in a car accident.

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What's the difference between an American and a British guy? Their fingerprints.

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i know the best knock knock joke! you start! other person: knock knock me: whos there ........

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Where was Suzy during the explosion? Everywhere! Knock Knock! Who's there? Not Suzy!

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How many days can a pelican whisper? Pelicans can't whisper.

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what did the boy with cancer get for christmas? i dont know he's jewish

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What did the Macedonian guy say to the Croatian guy? Both of our countries are from the former Yugoslavia.

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Did you hear about the Irish man that accidently killed himself,he farted in the bath & drowned trying to smell it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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