Q: What said the first bagel to the other? A: Nothing! Bagels can't talk!

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Why was Jenny alone? Everyone else had died in a zombie apocalypse.

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Roses are blue Violets are too I've got Alzheimer Roses are red

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Why are the deserts so dry? Obama

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What happened to the alcoholic man that decided to never drink ever again? He died of thirst. Moral: Alcohol was the only available liquid in this twilight zone... Anti anti joke

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English.It is confused by it's surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?  The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that :  L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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A British man walks into a bar. He has to get stitches.

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Why did Timmy masticate in front of everyone at the dinner table? If he hadn't, he would have choked on large chunks of food.

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knock knock! whos there? me! me who? thats right! whats right? meehoo! thats what i want to know! whats what you want to know? me who? yes, exactly! exactly what? yes, i have an exactlywatt on a chain! exactly what on a chain? yes! yes what? no, exactlywatt! thats what i want to know! i told you--exactlywatt! exactly what? yes! yes what? yes, its with me! whats with you? exactlywatt--thats whats with me! me who? yes! Go away! knock knock.....

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- Knock Knock. - Who is it? - I am - I am what? - I am dying please help me. - Sorry, I don't speak with strangers.

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why did the man pee in public? ... he couldnt hold it in.

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Q: Why did James cry? A: Because he's an infant and still quite afraid of his surroundings

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Why did the man cross the road? Because he was applying for a job that's building was located on the other side of the street.

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Tall asians

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What's redder than a red apple? 2 red apples

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What's blue and can't read? The Pacific Ocean

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A man walks into the bar and asks the bartender, "Are you smelling me right now?"

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what is worse than gay sex wiping your ass with sandpaper

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Jimmy: I'm like hey, what's up, hello. Jon: I've already met you.

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Why was the little boy late for school? Because he was hit by a truck.

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roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and grass is green due to the fact that there is chlorophyll in it.

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What's better than winning the special Olympics? Getting laid at the special Olympics.

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How did the girl cross the road? -She didn't, she died because she was blind and didn't see the "don't walk" sign.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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